Tired and pretty disappointed

                And so, death day has come and gone. And I am not dead, but I am not happy either. Yes, I was deferred from my school of choice. Goodness gracious, they defer 65%ish of their early applicant pool. I was like, definitely much better off not knowing that I’m actually not very special. And less than 10% of those deferred end up being granted admission come pi day, when regular decisions come out. Really, all I know is what I knew before – that I’m not a completely crappy applicant (I did not kill myself for the last four years to be a completely crappy applicant), and I potentially could have a chance maybe if I’m lucky. I could be one of those three hundred out of four thousand deferred that gets accepted. Oh my dear god I don’t think I can do this. NO. I CAN. Maybe. Well, either way, I need to get the rest of my applications in.

                Good thing tomorrow is the last day of school before winter break! I also get days off of work – two weeks to SCRAMBLE AND GET ALL OF MY APPS DONE AND TURNED IN. I was deferred, so it’s not as bad as being rejected on your first try. But definitely doesn’t feel like being accepted… I’m jealous of all of those who got accepted. I’m not that disappointed though, since this met expectations. It was not small beyond all expectations (hehe, Inx J).

                Anyhow, Inx is right. I should not plan my story to death. TOO BAD I ALREADY DID. I might just end up writing something different, although I think I was pretty attached to my story. I’m going to be pretty burned out… I don’t plan on starting to write until next year. Next calendar year, that is.

                Speaking of which, I need to send all the documents to Inx and J-. For business. Because even though it’s not due until next year, we still have to get it done. Inx, I decided that you should do MOST OF IT. Because you already got accepted to a college. Just kidding, most of it is done already.

                I’m going to kill myself through apps. Wish me luck, and I hope I make it to my eighteenth birthday…