Love ♥ (and angst)

I have homework to do, but I’m contemplating if I want to blog about GD more. And I’m being the opposite of productive, so in the end, I just decided to blog. And instead of just blogging about GD or T.O.P, I decided to change it up a little. I finally, finally went and read GenreWhiplash’s and BlenderLid’s blogs. Well, lies. I went and read BlenderLid’s post about Quinn Marksley, but that was a long time ago. And I went to see GenreWhiplash’s random posts about music, but I definitely don’t share his tastes in music. And I didn’t find it incredibly interesting. Sorries. Oh, and 3D's. That one's just fantastic. And I'm definitely an Energizer Bunny.

                I’m desperately trying to avoid talking about GD more. He’s so cute with his hair spiked. And dyed. Really, I think I liked dyed hair, and the look of being blown free by the wind (and not super short or tied into poodle like twists. That might’ve been the worst hairstyle I have ever seen.) He’s so adorable when he gives that cheeky smile of his. It’s like he embodies the innocence of youth, and he shines with a naiveté that can only be described as blissful happiness. The black jacket really suits him… Okay, I have officially given up. I promise that I’ll write quality posts one day. But not today.

                FINE. MAKE ME FEEL BAD. I’ll write a character sketch for you. BECAUSE YOU’RE A TERRIBLE READER THAT MAKES ME FEEL BAD. Just kidding. I love you.

₰₰₰

                He stood, tall and broad shouldered, with the majestic grace of an eagle. His generally tanned skin appeared pale and white under the moonlit sky. His eyes were as cold as the black depths of the lake he was surveying, and betrayed no emotion besides intense hatred. The stars cast a soft glow on his harsh expression, revealing an aged expression that betrayed the hard life he had been through. His brows furrowed, and he glared out at the serene landscape. He hated her, he simply hated her! He hated her for everything she is and was to him, his support that crumbled, the woman that left him shattered and restless. “A man that every woman desired.” Ha! If only they could see him now, a sulking and sorry excuse of the heroic and godlike figure he embodied during the daytime. An owl softly hooted and crikets chirped. The calm nightscape contrasted the burning turmoil he felt within. He wanted to scream, scream with every drop of rage, betrayal, and sadness that inundated and suffocated his heart. He felt weak, as if his life had been taken out of his control. With a single last severe glance over the cold and inky black waters, he spun on his heel, and stormed away into the dark.

₰₰₰

                That was so depressing. I’m going to post lots of adorable pictures now, because I actually wrote something. I mitigated my own guilt.





I like him with dyed hair. I honestly do. Most people hate blonde Asians, but I think GD’s like the only person who pulls it off well – I think it gives him an ethereal beauty… like a spirit, instead of a human.





This might be the absolute most adorable picture I have ever seen in my life. He seems so earnest, so truly amazed J





 Also, I'm not sure why I insist on citing my sources. I got the pictures from the internet. I put on the captions, but it absolutely destroyed the formatting and flow of the post, so now they're gone. It's a blog. And the captions looks so unsightly. I'll figure it out later. ♥
I'm happiness. And I love you! ♥ ♥ ♥

Hi, I Hate You

So this is inspired by “Picture to Burn”, which is the song that Inx and I were singing in downtown Bellevue. It was kind of super epic and absolutely awesome. J

***

Hi, I hate you. I hate you very much. In fact, if you didn’t exist, my world would be so much better. You. You are the reason I cannot have nice things. You are the reason I get little sleep. You are the reason that my life isn’t perfect. Feel bad yet? You should.

I will whine, yell, and scream at you. About every last little thing, because you deserve it. I hate you. I’ll hate you forever; I can’t wait until you’re out of my life. You realize that I don’t actually care about you right? Oh, but that doesn’t matter. Whether I care or not is not the matter at hand. The matter is that I’m rather miserable and it is all your fault. Yup. Your fault.

So think badly of me for writing this. Go ahead, I don’t care.  It’s not like you thought highly of me in the first place. I will not longer be afraid of what you think of me. I will no longer censor my statements, or be worried that you will get mad at me. Get mad at me. I’ll watch you react to the things that I do, I’ll make you react, I’ll force myself into your head and make you regret everything you’ve ever done to me.  You’ll regret that you ever let me go, you’ll regret everything you did wrong, you’ll regret shattering my heart into a million pieces.

So have fun with your silly little life, and I’ll continue with mine. But just know that you, you’re the one who made me this way. I’ll hate you forever, and don’t you ever forget that.

***

WHEEEEEEEEE. That was insanely fun to write. And even if I’m not actually that angry, it’s fun to write angrily! It’s terrible though. When I’m writing this, my conscience is going “you’re not being fair” and “that’s not actually true” and “what a horrible thing to say!” So inherently, I am not an angry/unfair person, unfortunately (oops, this can definitely be contested). I hope that doesn’t show through, and I wrote a believable angry rant!

Haha, I feel slightly delirious J

Thank you for making me smile

                Zzzzzzz! She jumped, still not used to her new phone and it’s ridiculously intense vibration setting. Of course, she could turn it off vibration, but the ringing noise is even more upsetting. Ping, ping, ping. With every letter she types, it makes the most obnoxious noise in the universe. Sigh. Why is everything out to annoy her? She ran her fingers through her brown-black locks, and blew of an exasperated breath. Who was it this time?

                She reached over and grabbed her phone. “If anything, it means that I don’t want you to change because you’re already pretty amazing.” An embarrassed smile broke the annoyed expression on her face as she read the message over and over again. Her cheeks tinged pink as she closed her eyes with a happy smile, feeling completely flattered. He really knew how to make her day better, didn’t he? Even after all the paperwork, the stress, and the insecurities, they were all wiped away with that little message telling her that someone appreciated her. Someone thought that she was amazing. Well does he leave a little note to tell you, you are on his mind? Enchanted songs and Disney birds chirped through her head for a moment as she savored the attention.

                She might have the best friends in the world. Even if she doesn’t have a prince charming, even if her love shattered her heart into a million little pieces, she always knew that she would have open arms to run into and cry. Arms that would hold her close as she spilled from the depths of her heart the secrets and heartaches, compassionate ears that would listen and nod understandingly. Smiling one last time, she put down the phone. Thank you, she thought.

                Turning her attention back to the monotonous application, she typed with her heart just a little bit warmer, her mood a little bit lighter.

End note: thank you (insert name here), for making me smile when I was feeling down. Thank you for making my heart ache a little less, thank you for making me smile a little more. You’re fabulous, and I wouldn’t give you up for the world.

Alone

With a smile and a hug, I bid my excited and chattering friends farewell as they all shuffled to my friend E-'s house, a cute blue abode within five minutes walking distance from the school. Really, if that little path didn't close down, she would be a single minute away (and she probably would not be rushing in barely late all the time). However, couple angry neighbors and a fence later, the path was down for the count. Goodness, I really wish that people took better care of the path so that we all could use it...

But I digress. As I turned away, I lightly trotted in my satin black flats toward the exit of the school. I could feel the talking from the lunchroom die away as I walked farther and farther away. I approached the metal door, and braced myself as I swung it open on its newly oiled hinges. A cold blast of air met my face with great force, and I cringed a bit. It was getting quite chilly, and my knee length velvet skirt with a cute lace border did not do much in the warmth department. Oh, the price I pay for fashion...

The door swung close behind me, shutting out the last of the unintelligible noise from the munching students out. A breeze blew, and carried the faint sound of the marching band's single drumbeat over to my ears. I glanced over at the tiny figures in the football field - they looked nice and warm. Unlike me. I could make out some of them leaning over to whisper to friends as they stomped up and down the astro-turf faux grass, trying not to be caught by the band director. They had each other, they had company, they had their own secrets to share and experience with each other. Unlike me.

Feeling unbearably lonely, knowing that all of my friends were most likely laughing and chattering together on the way to E-'s – or perhaps they were already there – in companionable happiness, I fished out my black Ipod from my backpack. I dutifully and slowly unwound the pink ear buds from its coiled position around the clear plastic shell that surrounded my listening device.

Boy I like you, gotta make you mine, Imma treat you right baby


Why is everything so easy for them? Why does it seem like they’re just expressing their desire and poof everything just happens perfectly?

Baby I need you, boy you need me too

So songs really don’t apply to real life. If anyone said that, it would either be received as an arrogant statement, or be some kind of sappy romance in a chick flick. But what I wouldn’t give for my life to be a fairy tale sometimes. Happily ever after? Yeah, that sounds pretty good to me. Cutesy songs accompanying me and my lovely exploits with kind animals at every corner. Yeah, it does sound really good. Perhaps a little scary at first (after all, animals that talk and approach you and help with random tasks would be a little disorientating at first), but I could really get used to it. The good girl always wins the guy of her dreams, right? Or at least realizes that the person who loves her is the guy of her dreams, or something. It’s better that what’s happening in my life right now.

Because I’m all alone. Alone. I have friends yes, but I’m alone, my other half is missing. Although, in all honesty, I’m not so sure my other half exists, and I do pride myself in being an independent woman. But sometimes, I truly do desire someone to be with me at my side…

Thoughts race through my head, weighing the pros and cons of being alone versus with someone. Sometimes, a wistful smile passes my face, only to be hidden under the stoic blanket of indifference.

The bus comes, and I get on, alone.

Alone…

Alone.

What a sappy sketch...

A phrase escaped from the absentminded wanderings of my mind, and his face blossomed like a daisy in spring. The expression crept from his lips and white teeth to his nose and eyes, crinkling them in utter joy. The greenish gray eyes that were framed by perfectly curled lashes sparkled with utter amusement, and his features conveyed a simple amusement that touched me to my core. What a surprising reaction! A simple statement, a simple response, yet I feel as if my world has shifted slightly and my heart has beat just a little faster. Broad shoulders curve forward a little bit as he completes the image of a blissful and carefree child, laughing and enjoying the moment.


I stared at his figure, as it seemed to glow from the light coming in from the large windows. He had a slightly awkward stance, as if he was self-conscious of how much space his strong body was taking. He held his left arm with his right hand, as if trying to shrink down a bit so that he would be less conspicuous. His light brown hair was cropped in a rather stylish cut, tousled slightly to make him look natural and relaxed.

He noticed me looking at him rather curiously, and the smile disappeared from his face, replaced by a worried glance. “Is there something on my face?” He queried softly, speaking with the gentleness of a summer breeze. His voice touched my ears like an angel’s breath, and caressed my soul with the softness of a downy blanket.

I blushed, unaware of the blatancy of my actions until he pointed it out. I shook my head and looked down, but quickly lifted my head back up to watch his expression. I wouldn’t dare miss a single blink of his beautiful eyes, a single twitch of his eyebrows, a single breath that came from his lips.

He looked confused for a moment, but gave me a shy smile, as if to say that he didn’t mind my actions. Really, I understood that he didn’t really understand my true motives; he was just a blissfully oblivious child living in his own little world.

How quickly he became the sunshine of my day, how quickly he took a spot in my melting heart…