Mist and Demons

                This mist is settling in, and the demons are coming out to play.

                I had another really creepy dream last night that involved secret agents, children with super powers, and a large hall full of people. There was this child who could turn into a “demon” (or rather, into this freaky hairy gigantic spider thing). And it spit out webs and whatever, and apparently was the child with the most awesome superpower. I don’t understand what was wrong with me – well, I did go to sleep at 2 in the morning. I knew that I wouldn’t actually finish my psych journals if I went to sleep and tried to start it the next morning. So I finished it. And I went to bed slightly delirious.

***

                He noticed the brunette sitting in the corner, hidden away between the couch and the wall, as if unwilling to let anyone see him this way. His head was tucked tightly into his arms, and his frame was rocked by shuddering sobs and suppressed cries. Heartache and empathy shot through the younger boy’s heart, as he made his way over to the vulnerable figure.

                As he approached, he felt more and more unsure. What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? He obviously didn’t want anyone to find him, which is why he placed himself in such a small space. The younger one’s dark eyes were filled with indecision. Maybe I should just leave him alone.

                Suddenly, it was quiet. The brunette curled up in that small space had fallen silent. The younger one knelt down in alarm. Was something wrong? He peered at the now peaceful figure intently, and heard soft breathing. Gently, the younger one touched the forehead of his friend, brushing his bangs back. There was no reaction, only a soft, congested breathing. His friend’s crying had exhausted him so much that he had fallen asleep, right in that space.

                Deciding that he couldn’t just leave the sleeping figure there, he dragged the curled up figure by the feet. With a gentle tug and a not-so-gentle yank, the sleeping figure was soon sprawled on the floor by the couch. An annoyed mumbled sound alerted the younger boy that the crying figure was no longer asleep. “What are you doing?” A bleary, irritated pair of eyes met the sheepish ones.

                “Trying to get you on the couch. You fell asleep,” came the reply.

                “So you had to maul me to get me there.”

                “Maybe. You’re heavy, you know that?”

                “Thanks.” Suddenly, the older boy was surprised by the pair of warm arms surrounding him. “What are you doing?” he asked, slightly flustered.

                “Don’t cry. I’m here for you.” A muffled voice came out of the head buried into his chest. “I don’t want to see you cry.”

                The brunette’s heart melted as he gathered up the embarrassed boy in his arms. Happiness burst into his world as he felt the care of the other seep into his veins, warming the very core of his soul. “Thank you.”

Assigned Blog Post #6 - I'm so thankful for you

So, the second I read the prompt for this, I thought of Inx. I am ridiculously thankful for you (and your blog, but that’s kind of a different reason). Thank you for always being there for me, and holding me up when I collapse. I can really be myself with you. And sing randomly on the bus and on the streets, and feel at ease with. And there are so many other people who kind of have the same role as you, but I’m singling you out because well, I LOVE YOUR BLOG (oh and you’re just definitely always there. No matter what. Whenever I need you, and I need you a lot. BECAUSE I’M A HORRIBLY NEEDY PERSON. And you listen to all the angst I have, all of it, in all its repetitiveness, over and over again. As long as I need to say it, you’re just always there to listen. Thank you so much, and I love you forever for what you are for me). Your blog – it just kind of expresses everything that I’m thinking of ever… it’s like you see what I see. Always. IT’S LIKE YOU’RE IN MY HEAD. But in a non-creepy fashion. Now, I’m just worried that I will fail with the linking to your blog. Because I cannot link very well. Oh, and your blog is fabulously written. It’s moving, touching, and All Sorts of Fabulous. I think the best thing about it is that I completely and absolutely relate on like five different levels. Or five thousand.

Really, I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. Although I might be quite insane about it right now. And I’m a bit curious as to why this whole “gratefulness” thing has been brought up – I mean, it’s great and we should definitely think about it more than we do now (taking things for granted like all the time), but there isn’t even a holiday to bring it up. So I don’t know.

Who else’s blog do I love? Well… I skimmed over this one, and was horrified and amused by the pictures. Horrified by the horse man, amused by the AMAZINGLY ADORABLE SEAL and the hello kitty AK47 (which really makes me go why would you do that. No seriously, why?) but also giggle at the same time. And I love this one, which kind of surprises me, because it’s very different than the ones I normally like I guess? But it’s quite similar to this one, and I guess I just have a certain style that I like. Maybe sarcasm. I’m not sure, I feel a bit out of it right now. And honestly, I don’t read very many people’s. Oh, I loved this post, even though it went a little bit fast. But it was poetic, especially at the end. I think I just read Inx’s, and then these once in a while when people link me to them. Because they are full of awesome and win. So I will read yours maybe someday… I read the “girl” post of a lot of people’s, and I kind of love Inx’s the best (oh, and this one. Because it's so different). So, I sound slightly obsessive of him. Deal with it.

Well, aren’t I just entirely angry these last few posts.

Thank you for making me smile

                Zzzzzzz! She jumped, still not used to her new phone and it’s ridiculously intense vibration setting. Of course, she could turn it off vibration, but the ringing noise is even more upsetting. Ping, ping, ping. With every letter she types, it makes the most obnoxious noise in the universe. Sigh. Why is everything out to annoy her? She ran her fingers through her brown-black locks, and blew of an exasperated breath. Who was it this time?

                She reached over and grabbed her phone. “If anything, it means that I don’t want you to change because you’re already pretty amazing.” An embarrassed smile broke the annoyed expression on her face as she read the message over and over again. Her cheeks tinged pink as she closed her eyes with a happy smile, feeling completely flattered. He really knew how to make her day better, didn’t he? Even after all the paperwork, the stress, and the insecurities, they were all wiped away with that little message telling her that someone appreciated her. Someone thought that she was amazing. Well does he leave a little note to tell you, you are on his mind? Enchanted songs and Disney birds chirped through her head for a moment as she savored the attention.

                She might have the best friends in the world. Even if she doesn’t have a prince charming, even if her love shattered her heart into a million little pieces, she always knew that she would have open arms to run into and cry. Arms that would hold her close as she spilled from the depths of her heart the secrets and heartaches, compassionate ears that would listen and nod understandingly. Smiling one last time, she put down the phone. Thank you, she thought.

                Turning her attention back to the monotonous application, she typed with her heart just a little bit warmer, her mood a little bit lighter.

End note: thank you (insert name here), for making me smile when I was feeling down. Thank you for making my heart ache a little less, thank you for making me smile a little more. You’re fabulous, and I wouldn’t give you up for the world.

Alone

With a smile and a hug, I bid my excited and chattering friends farewell as they all shuffled to my friend E-'s house, a cute blue abode within five minutes walking distance from the school. Really, if that little path didn't close down, she would be a single minute away (and she probably would not be rushing in barely late all the time). However, couple angry neighbors and a fence later, the path was down for the count. Goodness, I really wish that people took better care of the path so that we all could use it...

But I digress. As I turned away, I lightly trotted in my satin black flats toward the exit of the school. I could feel the talking from the lunchroom die away as I walked farther and farther away. I approached the metal door, and braced myself as I swung it open on its newly oiled hinges. A cold blast of air met my face with great force, and I cringed a bit. It was getting quite chilly, and my knee length velvet skirt with a cute lace border did not do much in the warmth department. Oh, the price I pay for fashion...

The door swung close behind me, shutting out the last of the unintelligible noise from the munching students out. A breeze blew, and carried the faint sound of the marching band's single drumbeat over to my ears. I glanced over at the tiny figures in the football field - they looked nice and warm. Unlike me. I could make out some of them leaning over to whisper to friends as they stomped up and down the astro-turf faux grass, trying not to be caught by the band director. They had each other, they had company, they had their own secrets to share and experience with each other. Unlike me.

Feeling unbearably lonely, knowing that all of my friends were most likely laughing and chattering together on the way to E-'s – or perhaps they were already there – in companionable happiness, I fished out my black Ipod from my backpack. I dutifully and slowly unwound the pink ear buds from its coiled position around the clear plastic shell that surrounded my listening device.

Boy I like you, gotta make you mine, Imma treat you right baby


Why is everything so easy for them? Why does it seem like they’re just expressing their desire and poof everything just happens perfectly?

Baby I need you, boy you need me too

So songs really don’t apply to real life. If anyone said that, it would either be received as an arrogant statement, or be some kind of sappy romance in a chick flick. But what I wouldn’t give for my life to be a fairy tale sometimes. Happily ever after? Yeah, that sounds pretty good to me. Cutesy songs accompanying me and my lovely exploits with kind animals at every corner. Yeah, it does sound really good. Perhaps a little scary at first (after all, animals that talk and approach you and help with random tasks would be a little disorientating at first), but I could really get used to it. The good girl always wins the guy of her dreams, right? Or at least realizes that the person who loves her is the guy of her dreams, or something. It’s better that what’s happening in my life right now.

Because I’m all alone. Alone. I have friends yes, but I’m alone, my other half is missing. Although, in all honesty, I’m not so sure my other half exists, and I do pride myself in being an independent woman. But sometimes, I truly do desire someone to be with me at my side…

Thoughts race through my head, weighing the pros and cons of being alone versus with someone. Sometimes, a wistful smile passes my face, only to be hidden under the stoic blanket of indifference.

The bus comes, and I get on, alone.

Alone…

Alone.