More Bits and Pieces

                I don’t know what to blog about today. I kind of think that I’m underestimating how many pieces of paper it takes to complete my story. And what’s necessary for me to explain what’s happening without going “and so, couple months passed this way and she fell more and more in love” or something equally disgusting and disturbing. Watch me use this. Because she needs to fall in love with him, and then realize that murder and bloodshed is so much more important in her life than love. That she shouldn’t give up what brings her joy and what supports her as a career for something a frivolous as “love.” It’s simply not worth it! In the end, she will stand proud as an independent person… Whatever. Either way, it took  me enough pages to get her to the scene where she meets him. I feel like I’m trying to write a book but squeeze it into a couple pages. I think there will be a portion where it has to go faster. Or else you will be reading a hundred page novel. Which I think that everyone would be really annoyed to read, and I would be really annoyed to write. Also, there must be a portion of my story where I explain in detail the intense bloodlust she feels. And the hacking apart of the guy. And how she’s internally tormented by how she lost her calm outer shell. I’m still not that sure how in the end she’s going to realize that it was just one mistake, and she can be strong. She can grow from the experience, she can control herself. Maybe I’ll write the ending right here… just something that will make everyone cringe and complain about, and then I’ll just take it off. Perfect fix is wonderful!

***

                Beep, beep! The alarm rang this time with far more insistence after she slept another 15 minutes. Wake up, you. I already let you hit the snooze button once. Groggily, she rubbed at her eyes, slightly disorientated. She shook her head. What a strange dream. Bloodlust, murder, and a cute little boutique in middle of New York… Linali wondered how the months that seemed to elapse in a dream were compacted into 15 minutes. It was as if the alarm was punishing her with crazy scenes for ignoring it. She snuggled once again into the warm comforter, and then kicked it away, shocking her skin with the icy air. Freezing cold and miserable, she prepared for yet another monotonous day.

***

                Okay, there we go. I have a concluding paragraph. Have fun reading!

Lucky Post and End of 2010

                This is post number 88, which is very, very lucky. In Asian standards. Lucky post, let’s go! So, today is the final day before 2011. The year of our graduation (some of you readers, anyhow). I think that means that I should write a legitimate post. That involves some kind of actual writing fiction. Sorry if you actually like reading real posts, and I’ve been posting up things that well… that I care about. And that I find interesting. Unfortunately, my sense of humor is rather… specific, so it’s not as interesting to other people… Too many references, nee?

                Also, I have managed to do absolutely no homework within this break thus far. You know how I totally planned on writing my short story during break? Not sure that’s going to happen. I imagined it out… kind of… but it’s not getting written. I just found that there’s so much to do, so many parties, so little time. Also, I have become nocturnal. I only sleep when my parents wake up again in the middle of the night at yell at me for not sleeping. Shame, I used to be such a good kid. And then I wake up with a pounding headache… oh goodness, my nights are just a bit too long. Also probably dehydrated.

                I also have an awesome new set of speakers in my room. And I threw away the old, and reorganized everything. I dearly hope that I didn’t throw away anything that was necessary. I’ve been kind worried about that. I’m pretty sure I threw about approximately 3.5 years of my life. It feels refreshing… I even replaced my childhood pictures with more recent ones. Again, extremely refreshing. Although I have to admit having someone that looks like you stare at you from a picture frame is really, really disturbing at first. My childhood pictures don’t look like me, so I never had that happen before.

                And college is done! I’m happy with whatever happens – I already got into a school that I would like to go to, and applying to more that I would like, too! It’s just perfect. I’m a happy child filled with joy. Redundant, but true. Also… I have yet to talk about writing fiction besides the fact that I haven’t started yet. Oops, sorry.

                Um, maybe I will post again later. This is definitely no longer a writing fiction blog, more like a Pink-feels-like blogging-and-sharing-so-she-will blog. Sorry, if you want to read my writing fiction stuff (like legitimate stuff), please read from the very beginning.

                Well, it’s not like this isn’t helping my writing skills. The more I write, the better I become at it. I find that writing really helps with introspection, although I am slightly wary of doing that online, especially… well. Just I’m wary now, and I wasn’t before. And so even though I’m not writing character sketches, I’m still writing. And you get to see a slice of my life. It’s interesting, nee? If it’s not, just lie to me. I want to believe that I am interesting.

                Either way, I should stop blogging now, and get started on homework that is actually due. Happy new year’s eve, and it was a great 2010! Perhaps I will do a new year’s resolution blog tomorrow… and a reflection of 2010… in addition to wishing Sungmin a happy birthday! I’ve totally been excited about this for about a month or so.

                Byebye, and I’ll see you 2011!

At Christina's

We both just came back from an epic shopping trip. And by epic shopping trip, I mean, none of us bought anything. And by none of us, I mean we both ended up using coupons. Also, I now know html. Go me! I am so awesomely epic.


I went undergarment shopping. Hey Inx, I went and bought my own lingerie. Ta da! It's pink and satin-y and I like it. Hehe I'm awkward. Anyways, now I am at C-'s, and I am blogging from her computer. I definitely think that blogging is an obsession for me, since I can't seem to walk away from it. At all. Ever. Forever. It has enslaved me. 


I am a hungry child. I am a very hungry child. FEED MEEEEEE. But I -- NO VEGETABLES. VEGETABLES ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. I ate a very old subway sandwich. But it was oddly good. Watch me die in approximately three hours. And then I won't need to app to any other schools because I am DEAD. That would be extremely obnoxious, considering that I already got into college. Yes.

Also, today I saw Alex and Akash at the mall. It was kind of weird, since Akash seemed to have grown five thousand feet since the last time I saw him, which was only about two or three weeks ago. You grow really, really, really fast. Also I awkwardly yelled in a mall. 

There is a tiny cactus on Christi's desk. I don't even. It's like it had stunted growth. I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to have stunted growth. STOP STARVING IT. IT IS PLANT CRUELTY. I can't figure out how to spell cruelty. It looks really weird. Also, I never know what song I am listening to, but I can always sing along. It's kind of really weird. I have a very intense memory for tunes, but not for names. Or faces. Or associating tunes and voices with faces and names. I can't recognize people for the life of me. I am going to not recognize my boss one day.

Oh, I was going to start writing my story today. So, Linali ran into a tree. No, the tree was just in her way. And then she roundhouse kicked it into submission. With four inch stilettos. That are black and shiny. Actually, they can be four inch stiletto boots, because those are a lot more practical, instead of sandals. Boots protect her feet a lot more. And they are designer - but not the normal designers. They are custom made to be waterproof, bulletproof, fireproof, but still super stylish and stain-proof. Like stainless steel. Except for a lot more fashionable. Made from alligator skin. She roundhouse kicks PETA members too for being scornful of her. She has kickass boots, and everyone should appreciate them. Actually, I don't know about that. I'm not sure I totally like the idea of killing furry creatures. YES, ALLIGATORS ARE ALSO CUTE FURRY LITTLE ANIMALS. DON'T DISCRIMINATE AGAINST THEM. She also drives cars that don't have great mileage. She drives a black convertible. And likes zooming down roads. Wearing black leather, and having her hair down. And awesomely badass shades. So, she has faux alligator skin boots. Because even though she slaughters humans like there's no tomorrow, she still doesn't plan on killing too many little critters. Actually, I'm pretty undecided about if she should have real animal skin on her boots. Because it's not like she's a vegetarian. Because there is an obvious correlation between vegetarianism and not wearing animal skin. Actually, I'm going to describe her killing outfit. Just kidding, she can just wear really comfortable, skintight black clothing. Because leather I think would be a little bit restrictive. Actually, she has a favorite designer that hides out in the middle of Sweden that designs her clothing. Just because she's an assassin doesn't mean she doesn't love fashion with a vengeance. Sometimes she even accessorizes with human teeth just kidding, more like shark teeth. Or no, not really, she likes metal spikes more. Actually, she's not very goth. She's more modern/edge. Her hair is very easy to  manage, it's medium length to long, but not too long. It's silky black, and coveted by guys. She's such a maneater. But not literally. She just shoots them. She's not much of a cannibal. In fact, she only eats gourmet food - but it's not great for an assassin to have lots of staff living in her house, so she is a really kickass cook. She even does her own cleaning. She's pretty intense with a vacuum. In her giant house. She does intense cleaning once a month, with smaller cleaning -- wait, she can just live in a smart house that cleans itself. No... that's problematic. Just a normal, large, modern house. Not a condo, because she needs an underground lair. Okay, I think I'm done for today. And I still haven't started writing it yet. Oh dear. 


Yes, I need to do college apps, Inx, because I like other programs better at different schools. 


I'm hungry. Get me food now please.

Hello Kitty and Bland Cookies

                Have I told everyone how much I love Inx? Yes. Probably a billion times. BUT HE’S THE MOST AWESOME PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. And because of him, I now have FLUFFY HELLO KITTY PANTS. That might be the absolute best thing ever. Also, thank you for attempting to go lingerie shopping for me J that’s just going above and beyond. You’re wonderful at gift giving. Also I saw you drive today. And David was pretty annoyed at you for driving not extremely fast. We were confused as to why you would have the bumper sticker. And then we spent forever going who is that person. And then we drove in front of you and it was like IT’S INX, IT’S INX, IT’S INX. And flailing wildly. And wiki tag. Wiki tag is fun. It has been concluded that I can win when it’s about a K pop idol that I know about. And then never anytime else because I don’t know anything about other people ever. Hehe, Lee Sungmin to Triceratops = only takes about 5 or 6 clicks. That’s pretty impressive. Also, some province in China to Minho = only 3 or 4 clicks. But Minho doesn’t have his own wiki page, unfortunately.

                Business needs to never have computers. Because then I will seriously never listen ever and play all kinds of random stuff. Like that random cat trap game. I can’t get myself to go write my college essays. I am just full of happy and hurray! It’s like Christmas came early, which it did. But I guess not Christmas. More like, I just like getting presents. I bet everyone does.

                I have to remember to bring gifts on Wednesday and Friday. And to go gift shopping for the various people that I need to get gifts for. Oh dear goodness, I am running out of time.

                Okay, more about my character. I think she’ll have a blonde wig, similar to Jessica’s. because I really like that wig. And I want to wear it for funsies, besides the fact that it would look extra strange on me since my eyebrows are the wrong color. Perhaps I should describe the guy. He is tall, broad shouldered, and looks like a guy (are you happy D-? The guy resembles a guy and not a girl. And Sungmin is definitely cute, for sure). He has sandy brown hair, likes sailing, and is a lawyer. He also likes hiking, and owns a cabin on a cliff – somehow I feel like I already said that. The cliff is essential. Actually, it’s not that the cliff is essential, it’s the cabin in the middle of nowhere that is essential. Maybe he owns the few acres around it, and likes seclusion. He’s extremely attractive, but doesn’t have time for a relationship… they should both be around late twenties. Because otherwise they are too old for random intense physical activity like intense sailing. Something like that.

                I feel like I have been neglecting the topic of Christmas. Christmas is important! I love holiday season, and I love being a little kid (OKAY, SO I’M NOT ACTAULLY A LITTLE KID. BUT I CAN PRETEND TO BE) and being happily childish. Also, I never knew that cookies could taste so bad. Seriously, prism kids should not be allowed to cook. We’re REALLY BAD AT IT. Not even kidding. Those were the blandest cookies I have ever tasted. I think that E- should just bake and the rest of us shouldn’t. But prism gatherings are epic fun. When wrists aren’t being broken. K-, I hope you are okay! But we should still go ice skating again. Yes you, K-, even with your broken wrist. Just be more careful.

                And soon enough winter break will start! I’m so excited! But college for now.

                By the way, Inx, thanks but no thanks for drawing that Omanyte on my Christmas card J Italicized smileys look kind of retarded.

                Instead of clogging everyone's feeds, I decided to continue my post here about 2 hours later. Because I love this vid. And no, it's not a parody. But it is nevertheless super awesome. Realization. This is my 69th post. *Immature*

Vanity

                It takes a decent amount of vanity to blog. Really, it does. Because I have to think that people actually care about what I write to continue writing. Actually, I’m not sure anyone does, and I’m not sure anyone actually reads my posts. But that won’t really stop me from writing… I suppose this is like an over-sharing type of diary. It’s nice to monitor what I’m up to. I guess? I suppose that I just like talking, and this is another way of talking.

                I have no idea. Okay, today’s topic will be oversharing. While doing college applications, I really realized that I don’t know who I am, but I know who I should be. I think that basically destroys the purpose of these applications… I’m supposed to express who I am, instead of what I think I should be. Too bad I have no idea who I actually am. I suppose these “who I should be”s can pretty much be “who I am”… I’m sure if I tell myself that “this” is what I am enough times, I will believe it. It will be internalized, it will become my truth. Either way, it’s not like I’m lying per se… it’s just that I’m coming up with the best answer that may or may not be true for me. I have no idea who I am. Oh well.

                It’s December 12^th! That’s kind of cool. 12/12. C- just told me that she’s having her golden birthday this year. I’m kind of sadness because my golden birthday was when I was three, and really, I don’t remember that birthday. C- I hope you have a great golden birthday. Wait, I’ll just reblog that on Friday, when it’s her actual birthday… instead of Seungri’s. J YES, THAT MAKES ME HAPPY ON THE INSIDE, OKAY? LEAVE ME ALONE.

Should I write a muse about vanity? Perhaps. Or actually, I should just talk about my short story. Which I haven’t started writing yet. But yeah, S- pointed out that all of our stories have sadness and death in it. We have made death into a cliché. Go us. However, I will not be different. I WANT THE BRUTAL KILLING IN MY STORY. Deal with it. And I want to do something terrible to my story at the end. I will have fun during workshop watching everyone freak out. Since no one reads my blog, no one will see this coming. Muahahahahahahahaha. Anyhow.

I always manage to blog. Every day. And not get any of my legitimate work done. How unfortunate (I don’t actually care that much). My sleep habits are so weird. Oh, Hopeless Romantic, last night I dreamed that we battled to the death. See the Seungri’s birthday post. I won, by the way. J Although I’m not sure you died. Also, I want that kind of awesome contraption in my backyard. It was lots of fun besides the fact that I was trying not to get killed by you. And trying to kill you. Or maul you. Or something like that. Anyways, I’m done for today. I will tell you later what my dream was about in detail. If I remember.

Underground lairs are less conspicuous than ones in the sky

                So, today, after more than 24 hours of poking and prodding from J- and Inx, I played Qwop. It might be the most infuriating game ever. How on earth are you actually supposed to run? Like seriously, not kidding. I tried randomly hitting buttons. That didn’t work. Either way, it was annoying. And I got tired of it.

                I have this habit of starting things with only a vague intention of finishing it. Like something that I find awesomeness, and then I’m just like I should do that. Except for, I never follow through with it. I think this time, I will get at least – actually nah, I’m not even going to set a goal for myself. It’s not going to work. I’ll learn whatever I want to, and then give up when I feel like it. No pressure, no expectations, no disappointment.

                Actually, when people make plans, they do that, too. Except for they actually think they’ll go through with it. Like Christmas parties and ice skating. I will tell you that I will go. Except for I have no idea if I actually will go or not. And people are always like let’s do that and then when plans are actually made most people don’t show up. That annoys me. So much. I try not to employ that tactic too much (personally, I have less of a problem with being hypocritical than most people do. Although I still do have a problem with it. It’s just of a lesser magnitude. Honesty. It will be the end of me). Or at least I don’t give a definitive “yes” answer, and then just randomly not show up. I will give you either an ambiguous answer or no answer at all. That’s easy and open ended for me. Oh well, I guess plan for things that you can do alone. I want to go ice skating. But not on a Friday. Let’s all go ice skating on a Wednesday!

                I was discussing Christmas with one of the other interns. And we were discussing how it’s politically wrong to have “Secret  Santa” in the workplace because it is associated with the Christian religion. But really, it’s not anymore. Christmas is associated with the capitalist culture now. It’s where you buy presents for people and eat lots of food. And spend money. Therefore, if you are a capitalist, you should celebrate Christmas. Or at least the commercialized version that I celebrate. And not be insulted. Stop being insulted.

                HURRAY I WON AT QWOP. Wow, now I have homework to do. Oh goodness. I seriously need to do homework. What’s wrong with me. I don’t even L. Anyways, that was yet another post that was complete nonsense. I am sorry.

                Here, quick, more about my character: she climbs trees. And then a branch cracks. And then she is very, very sad. Because she twists her ankle, and is incapacitated for about two days. And then when she goes to work with crutches, she meets him again. And he is amused at her. Because she is trying to be all dignified, except for she is hobbling. And he tells her to stop being silly, and accept other people’s help. So he drives her home, because she had to take a taxi to her workplace. Good thing she closed the door to her UNDERGROUND LAIR. Just kidding. Not sure she’ll have a lair. But she will have an intense study. That is full of the secrets. I don’t know how it’s supposed to open. Maybe it beams her somewhere. She is beamed to alien lab. I don’t even. Either way, I know I don’t want it to be a bookshelf, because that is so overdone. I think that it will just be a platform that lowers down. Because still, in the end, she needs something underground. Having it above ground in a suburban neighborhood is just asking for trouble.

                Hurray, I managed to squeeze in things that actually applied! I will do my assigned blog post after I start writing my story. I mean, after all, it’s not due until mid/late January…

A Different Kind Of Normality

                I have a new favorite story. It’s called “The Troublesome Snow White.” It’s not exactly a written story, but it’s funny nonetheless. And it’s the most hilarious game ever. But I want to be narrator. Because I’m pretty sure it’s a lot more fun watching than actually playing. Dorkiness just makes me so happiness. Yes, makes me happiness. Not happy, happiness.

                Anyhow, I basically have the outline for my story. I told it to GenreWhiplash. For some reason, he doesn’t think that Linali is a normal person. She is so normal. She likes hiking and cooking, and she works a day job at a boutique three days a week, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. She has a good sense of fashion, and can run around kicking butt in four inch stilettos, but prefers more practical shoes. With good traction. Just because she runs around dressed in skintight camouflage-wear (or black or protective gear, I can’t really decide) doesn’t mean that she has to be the same kind of undercover agent as seen in the movies. I mean really, it’s pretty amazing they don’t break their ankles every five seconds. But I guess if they broke their ankles every five seconds, it wouldn’t be much of a show. And they wouldn’t be so kickass.

                Okay, maybe she isn’t so normal. When she is bored and assigned a job, she goes and climbs trees and throws shurikens at people. I’m not sure if I decided on that part yet, but it sure does sound fun. Wow, okay, everyone should just stop reading my blog until after I present, which is in forever because I like talking about the plot of my story. Shame on me. Oh well, I’m not sure people mind me spoiling my own story.

                Also there will be an epic cabin with an epic cliff. Also, I need to figure out what to name the boss-dude-person. Maybe he won’t have a name. He’ll just be “sir”, and there will be a sense of detachment. And I can’t decide how she should meet them. Because it would be kind of weird if she were just like in front of them. And not being all secretive and whatnot. Because what will that do to her identity? Maybe she can be all ninja and whatnot. All they see is that her eyes are a “startling shade of grey”. She can wear a wig, too. OH! They can think that she’s a man. And call her Prince. Because she’s the Prince of the Night. (Oh my goodness, that’s so cliché/corny.) It’s okay, I like it, it makes me giggle. Linali, the prince of the night. I kind of like the sound of it. And I can be as ridiculous as I want.

                Yes, of course she’s a normal person. I mean, normal people obviously all lead two lives, one of which is a shadow royalty figure. Duh.

Insanity

                So, to my chagrin, I’m falling deeper and deeper into fangirl-land. And knowing me and my obsessiveness, I will wish the K idols happy birthday on my blog, thus cementing my role as a fanatic fangirl. Seriously, I want to do it. But it’s just like, i don’t know. I’m not sure I totally appreciate being just another one of those mindless zombies… I guess I can deal with it? Since I’m acting like one anyhow. I guess worshipping real (well, they live and breathe, not sure how much of their image is real though) people (guys) is better than worshipping animated ones. I’m growing up, okay?

                Anyways, what brought up this random fangirling comment? Seungri is turning 20/21 in about a week. And I was like that’s so intense and then I realized that it was quite sad that I memorized their birthdays. Although I’m probably going to forget soon. Because my memory is just that bad. And also, the fact that I know birthdays is ridiculously pathetic. I’m not accepting this fangirl status very well.

                Anyways, I decided to have another conversation with Linali. Yay, I finally appeared! You were neglecting me. I still don’t really want to think about you. I have other more important things, like college. And K idols. But if you don’t think about who I am, and what I will be in your story, your story’s going to be totally messed up when you write it. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. What color eyes do you have? Grey. That’s kind of creepy. But also mysterious at the same time. They’re grey like death. Shouldn’t it be black like death? Black eyes are so forking (she is censored) creepy. Yup. Pretty much.  Did you just censor me? Yeah. I don’t want that kind of language on my blog. But I want to choose how I get to speak! Actually, it would just be epic awkward for me to have people read that. So no, as of now you don’t really get to swear, unless I say “she swore under her breath.” No actual swear swords. Awww… okay. Yeah, it’s supposed to go with your dignified (haha) and elegant style. HEY. I AM SO DIGNIFIED. DON’T YOU DARE LAUGH AT ME. The more I write these, the more I just realize that Linali is myself. Well duh, I’m a part of your brain. But that’s so awkward. I don’t want my character to reflect me so much. This is why I was going to not make you Asian. But you ended up being Asian anyhow. Because I am awesome. And Linali just sounds Asian. Even if it’s an Americanized spelling of Lenalee. It’s derived from an Asian name. Yeah, I know, I know. Let’s see… this is like, a stream of consciousness/mind-barf version of me deciding what kind of character she is. You are… of medium height. A little on the small side, to fit into small spaces. Where the crepe am I going? Why do I need to fit into small spaces? Well, you do shadowy work. It would be good if you could hide. Also, your hair is going to be just above your waist. Wow, do I die by getting it caught in something? Okay, fine, a little shorter than that. A little longer than mid-back. Shorter. NO. it’s a compromise, and I’m still the writer, and… why on earth am I compromising with myself. Haha, you’re insane. And you’re the result of a troubled mind. Perhaps you’ll be of some… mixed breed. I am NOT a dog. I meant mixed heritage. Maybe not solely Asian. Because you need to look similar to other people, like high cheekbones and whatnot, but still have wide, almond shaped eyes (yes, it works like that) and black hair. Your eyes aren’t that slanted either. Perhaps you have some European blood mixed into you several generations back.

                Hmm, your habitat. I am not an animal. Your habitat will be HEY. STOP IGNORING ME. this secluded house in the middle of a forest. Or by a cliff. Or in the ocean. Let’s just try in the forest. Wait, no, that doesn’t work. You like forest-y places, but you don’t live in the forest. Because otherwise, you have no reason to go up with him into his cabin up on a mountain overlooking this beautiful and deep lake. Hmm, you can’t really live in the city either. You need human interaction though. Maybe instead of an investor working from home, you’ll live in a giant estate just outside of town, but work in a famous boutique. After all, you’re being paid in other ways, it doesn’t matter to you what your salary is for your cover-up job. And you meet some of your clients that way. Maybe you work in a male clothing store. And your uniform is… black tailored pants, a white button down shirt, black vest, and black pumps. Your hair is tied up. What the heck? I’m a waiter? No. But I rather like the idea of that outfit. Also you make me sound like a prostitute. You’re not, I guarantee it.  But you meet lots of rich, bored males that resent people with a passion.  I still feel like a whore. Ah, whatever, you’re not.

                You need a code name. Um, I feel like calling you Prince. Because you’re going to be super intense with martial arts and that makes me think of Sungmin. And he’s super adorable. Okay, this conversation just ended because I’m going off on a tangent about K idols again. Okay, even though I didn’t really talk about them that much – I think I talked about them enough to be able to put a picture on. Hurray! Picture time!

Dialogue with Linali

                Okay, so I thought about the passage that I wrote yesterday, and I realized that I like the premise. And the hallway. That is based off of something that is not in real life but in real life but not. Anyways, I realized that she is like, I’m looking at a hallway, and it is epic-face, and suddenly I am epic tired. I am going to slump down against this wall and angst about ambiguous things that the writer doesn’t want to tell you about right now! Hurray! I like the name Linali. She was going to be white, and I was going to name her Jacqueline and call her Jack, but it turned out that her name is Linali. And now she has long, sleek, shiny black hair. That she ties up into a ponytail. And she is badass. Actually, I don’t know if she actually will be. But she is in my mind right now. I think some of you know what she does for a living. And what the entire premise of the story is. Because I like sharing what the story is. Oops, spoiler.

                Hi Linali, you’re adorable and cute and I love you. Why are you talking to me? I’m a figment of your imagination. In fact, why am I answering? This just means you’re talking to yourself. Geez, this girl has an attitude. I’m not sure if I’m going to change that or not. And really, I feel the need to make her perfect. Minus that one little problem. That I will not tell you about. I think that people are going to be annoyed at my story. This is okay, I don’t think I care. I’ll deal with it if I end up caring.

                Okay, so I cannot decide what she looks like. I know she has black hair and probably Asiatic features to go with it. I don’t know how tall she will be. Actually, I think I will have a picture of her in my head. And I will base it off of that. But not really. I will change her to be anything that I feel she should be. Like be awesome enough to have a gun strapped to her leg. And point it at people a lot. But actually not really, because that would mean she is bad at being non-obvious. Being subtle. That’s it. I will not walk around with a gun strapped to me. That’s against the image I’m trying to build. Fine, you don’t have to. And you won’t. You can be full of frills and happiness. I don’t want that either. Can’t I just be a normal person? At least on the outside? And give me a normal job as a cover. (Okay, I can’t believe that I’m talking to myself, like seriously. What’s wrong with me.) You know what, Linali? I don’t care about you right now. Deal with it. You have no cover or a second job. Go die in a hole. *Glare* Just kidding, I love you. You can be like, a home trader/investor or something. Because you live in a really nice place. Because rich people pay a lot. I really don’t know, I’ll think about it. That’s what I thought. But no really, I don’t want to talk about you anymore. Get over yourself.

                I like rollercoasters. They are lots of funsies and I am the happiness. I think that rollercoasters should be the normal form of transportation. Because seriously, why wouldn’t you want to go up and down and in corkscrews and loop-de-loops all the time? Walking is so boring. Rollercoasters are more fun.

                I’m still on your mind. I know. Shut up and go away. Is that any way to treat your main character? Why yes it is. Fine. I’ll give you severe writer’s block. Ha. See what you’re going to do then. Is that even possible? For me to give writer’s block to myself? Actually, it’s probably totally possible, since I’m talking to the character inside my head. Actually, Linali, you’re supposed to be a soft-spoken, elegant, and dainty girl. You’re very coarse and sarcastic right now. Hey, I’m a reflection of you. You’re the sarcastic one. Point taken. Actually, I’ll figure out what she’s going to be. I think she’d be more dynamic if she wasn’t this perfect flower of a child. I also realized that I can’t make the main guy character based off a Korean idol. Because then I can’t kill him brutally. And I would feel bad, and I would turn the entire story into a sappy and icky romance. Because I would love the K idol. Actually, I could just write about two K idols. And make everyone barf with the utter sappiness of it all. And clichéd-ness. Nah, I’ll leave that to my character sketches. You thought about abandoning me? *pout* Wait, now you’re all cutesy? You’re supposed to be badass. I can be as badass as I want. Doesn’t change that fact that I’m a girl. And I will act accordingly feminine and adorable. Okay, that works for me. Alright, I’m tired of talking to you. You will shut up for now. And I will publish this post. Okay, bye.

Post-blog-note: Wow, I’m crazy. Like, not even kidding. I’m seriously crazy. And this was totally mind barf. Or stream of consciousness. That definitely sounds better than mind-barf.

And thus, it begins...

                I suppose, instead of writing little sketches that amuse me beyond all belief, I need to start working on the outline of my story. Maybe I will just write chunks of story and decide whether I like it or not. And then copy and pasta all of them together and then I get a really choppy weird story that is written which is the most important part.

                Okay, I don’t even know if this part is even going to be in my story. But most likely it will, because I actually bothered to write it, and I don’t want to bother to write a new beginning. Yay spoilers!

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                Her hand trembled as she stared down the lengthy corridor of the man’s home, the floor sloping up, the walls sloping in. The walls and floor were painted a stark white with black stripes every ten feet, and an abnormally blue sky with clouds on the ceiling. A small door, painted a bright yellow, was far off into the distance, although she was sure it wasn’t that far away. He was an artist, and lived in art. His door was most likely only three feet in height, as to make the illusion complete. She felt so visible, so naked, so vulnerable to everything. There was no way she could hide. If he were to come out right this moment, it would be messy. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to escape.

                Her hand moved to her leg to finger the sleek metal instrument strapped to her thigh. Her thin fingers trembled as they felt the smooth, warm metal. She breathed in and out deeply. Why’d I decide to accept this job? I’m not ready… I’m not. She cursed silently. Coward! How had she become this way? Since when did she become a timid child, afraid of what she does best? Since when had she lost her competence? She winced. Oh yeah, that.

                She leaned against a black stripe, blending perfectly into the strip. Mentally exhausted, she chastised herself for being so weak. Linali, coveted for her clean jobs and detachment, reduced to a quivering mess. What they would say if they could see her now! Weak. Useless. She bit her lip angrily. No, never again. I will never make that mistake ever again.

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                Oh hey, I decently liked that. If you didn’t, too bad. I know, I know, The Writing Life says that I should throw away the beginning. But I won’t. Ha. I know where I’m going now. Awesomeness! I think I should let people know that they’re going to bash their head into a wall thinking that I’m going to do something, but I promise you – nothing actually. But hopefully, it’s not as bad as you think.

Eyes - building the characterization

I decided that I will make characters first, and then find a story to suit them. I am ridiculously focused around eyes, so usually I decide what color eyes my character has before I even decide anything else. Once I have the eye color, I design my entire character around how I described those eyes… so I shall start with my female character. I decided that she’d have gray eyes (I started with brown, then i couldn’t come up with any interesting descriptions, and then moved onto green or blue, then realized that I wanted the male character to have green or blue eyes, and I will certainly not have my character have strange orange or lilac colored eyes. I’d like a bit of realism, even if my story ends up being completely random and strange. So far, I’ve run my idea by a few people, and the general reaction is “what on Earth is wrong with you”. I’m okay with this. It’s fairly not contrived… and I feel like I’ll have fun writing it). Here is her (I still don’t have a name from her… it’s more like I have a list compiled of a million people who I bugged into giving me names) character sketch (incomplete, more like just of her eyes):

Her eyes were dark gray and intense as a brewing thunderstorm with sparks of lightning flashing through. Cold and tumultuous, possessing a wisdom far beyond her years, they bore holes into the souls of those who she observed. It was unsettling – those misty orbs seemed to pass judgment with every flicker, every blink, every movement they made. They were idolized and envied for their unparalleled and mysterious beauty, yet feared for the unnerving clarity with which they shone, as if revealing all of the deep and dark secrets one stores within the depths of their heart.

I wonder if I can put that entire chunk into my short story. Maybe I will type up what the guy’s eyes will look like too. I wish I could make the entire story about eyes. But I won’t, because I don’t really have an idea for that. And having a fun (contrived) story with a gruesome and terrible ending just sounds like more fun to write. I don’t have a name for the guy either. I have many more names of the girl than the guy, but the guy I need to find the name of someone – well, I’ll not spoil the ending. J I decided that because her eyes are so intense, I need to make her just as intense to match. And here are the green (I decided on green, because blue is so overdone…):

Sparkling and cheery, the skin around his eyes crinkled and accentuated the lighthearted joy that shined through his eyes. The color was as lush and vibrant as the dewy grass on a cold morning, and they existed with a vibrant liveliness that paralleled his personality. They were windows to his soul, clear portals to the simple and unrestrained personality inside the tall and broad frame. Gentle and kind, he looked upon everything with deep eyes that spoke with a charismatic force far louder than his words. The color of glittering emeralds, rolling green fields, and luxurious tropical islands attracted and lured people to him despite his quiet and shy personality.

Meh, I need to work on that one. It’s like ridiculous amounts of descriptions that I just like, and not that much substance…

I think I will just start posting random ideas here – my story won’t be much of a surprise.