Celebration - 100 posts!

                So, I’ve been procrastinating on this hundredth post (!! Oh my goodness 100). But I decided that I needed to write it, otherwise my blog can never die. Just kidding, I might not have it die. I might continue to write in it, but it will be fairly infrequent. Actually, who knows. I’ve only been procrastinating because I wanted to write an epic 100^th post. However, it’s not going to be that epic.

                So I should comment on how this is going. I actually really liked the blogging assignment. It made me practice my writing (sometimes), but also I just kind of realized that I like writing. In my own specific way. It’s nice to get my thoughts down on paper… well. Virtual paper. It was quite painful at first for me to blog, since I was treating it as a writing assignment where I had to do analysis of whatever story we were reading, but when I realized that I could blog on anything that I wanted, it was a lot better… actually, I found that under almost any circumstance, I would end up going on a tangent. I used to say that I was just going to write rant style sometimes, but I found that I’m writing rant style all the time. Stream of consciousness.

                I want to figure out how to put music on my blog so that whenever people click on my blog, there will be music. In all honesty, that might be the most obnoxious thing ever, since it turns on and I have to figure out where that darn button is to turn it off. But I want it on my blog. So I might have it around for a while, and then realize that it annoys me, and then turn it off. Delete it forever. Also, I think I’ve been listening to one playlist for way too long because this morning, I woke up humming a song from the playlist. There was just a song stuck in my head, and so I started humming it out loud to figure out what it was. I didn’t figure it out, but I knew it was one of those songs. And I was amused.

                Because it’s the 100^th post, I decided to say, it’s okay Rick/First Commenter, I don’t spite you that much. Being magnanimous on a centennial (isn’t that for years… it’s okay I can’t think of the other word) celebration.

                Quiet judgment.  

Dreams - my own warped reality

“Every time I see you in my dreams, I see your face, it’s haunting me”

Dreams are really scary for me. You know the “a dream is a wish your heart makes/in dreams you will lose your heartache” phrase? For me, it’s more like “a dream is a mirror of your life, whether it’s heartbreak or happiness”. And unfortunately for me, it’s heartbreak a lot of the time.

The dreams are really realistic too – I can see every detail of his face, every expression: which is basically extra creepy because it means that I’ve stored all these details in my brain. And it’s like if something was very significant in my life, I experience it over and over again. But not the good things. More like the absolutely terrible things. They replay and replay over and over in my head.

I hate this twisted reality – not knowing what’s real… not being able to tell it’s a dream… well, no I can tell it’s a dream. But it’s definitely realistic, even if it’s warped. There are parts of it that are so real: I can see the setting, each place that I’ve been before, places that apparently have significance to me. However, there are very strange aspects of it – driving a bed instead of a car, a jungle inside an airport, the walls made of leather and patterned like – I’m not even sure. But it was cushioned. And the wall was massive. And beautiful – I remember once I was lying on the ground, staring at it… I’ve never seen anything like that in my life, yet I saw it in my dream in such vivid detail.

Very rarely, actually, can I ever remember specific people. It’s like people aren’t important enough for me to remember, I remember the setting, the emotions – I know people are there, and I think most of the time they are people I don’t know. People that are faceless (but they aren’t actually faceless, they have faces that I just don’t care about or recognize) that allow me to float in a crowd, surrounded yet completely alone.

Just like I know there were people on the highway, they were inside the cars, yet I didn’t see any of them. I just knew that the cars weren’t empty, the streets filled, and I walked facing the view and I sang with every drop of feeling in my soul. I sang beautifully – too bad it’s something I can’t do in real life. I can remember everything I felt, the utter anguish, loneliness… it mirrors my life. I’ve always wanted to analyze my dreams, figure out what I really wanted on the inside… but I’m not sure it actually works that way. I know it’s an extension of my subconscious, and really, I can probably find out a lot about myself just by doing that… maybe. It’s not like I’m blind. I think I see myself for who I am… I can see my flaws, I know what I yearn for… unless I really don’t know and my subconscious is desperately trying to tell me something. But that seems strange to me, that I don’t actually know myself. Of course I know myself! Silliness.

I dislike disturbing dreams. They make my entire morning uneasy, they make me not want to see people just because they were terrible in my dreams. And then I feel bad for being so influenced by myself, by my dream.

I’ve been writing this post for about three and a half hours. Sorry if it sounds super choppy and repetitive, I’ve just been distracted. I might post again.

Oh, and just because I feel like I need to add a picture on… I don’t really feel in the mood though. I feel a bit depressed and unwilling and unknowing and unsure. Yes, unsure, that was the word that I was going for. And I’m just letting all the words that come to mind tumble, tumble right out of my mouth. I need to find a picture…. Well, let’s just put a picture of T.O.P J Because he is full of fabulousness and adorableness. I love how they’re all just super adorable ♥

And suddenly, my mood just got about ten thousand times better

Into Your Arms

Oh. My. Goodness. This guy might be the most awesome thing on the face of the planet. Because he is. How the crepe does he make those noises with his mouth. Also his eyes are absolutely gorgeous – it’s like you can just stare into them forever. Also watch his cover of Fireflies. I really enjoyed it.

Wow I’m so terrible at keeping this stream of consciousness going, because I’m talking to BlenderLid and failing at saving things, and other people. Yeah, I did get tired of listing people after one person. I’m listening to “The Force of Love” now… I’m going to go back to listening to Mike Tompkin’s version of Teenage Dream.

OH MY GOODNESS I FIGURED OUT HOW TO SAVE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW ACCOMPLISHED I FEEL. FALSE SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT. I think I’m simple minded. And I’m afraid of technology. To a certain degree. BlenderLid makes me feel inadequate. Like all the time. Oh dear goodness. I think I definitely fear technology. Especially since my computer LOVES BREAKING. Every other day. Thanks for destroying my life. Both of you. (Wait, my computer became an entity that I talk to?)

Anyways, I think I like these altered lyrics of Teenage Dream. It’s less… racy? And it’s slightly more adorable ♥ “Let’s fall into each other’s arms, no regrets, just love” which is better than implying terrible and horrid things. Just kidding. But it’s definitely more “refined”, I suppose. I’m pretty sure my commas are wrong. But I never understand how to use commas in those situations, so I’m going to do what makes sense to me. “You make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream, and when you turn it on, I can’t sleep” ♥ I love this song so much – and this guy just makes it so much better.

I had to turn the music off. I’m so bad at blogging when I’m listening to something at the same time. It’s like it uses up too much of my attention, and then I’m super like what’s going on I cannot type I only have – what was I talking about again? I decided that I’m blogging every day because he is too. We have this arrangement where we each post one time a day. Hopefully, we’ll be able to post once a day for the rest of the year – just kidding, I know that’ll never happen. Maybe until the end of the month. That seems way more likely.

Oh my goodness, BlenderLid, you do love me. I don’t understand you. But I do hope that you do love me. And you’re kind of fabulous. Stop thinking I’m obnoxious. I’m definitely not obnoxious all the time. Actually, you’re probably going to never speak to me again after you read this. But I don’t think my blog is important enough to you, so hopefully you won’t read this. I’d definitely prefer it if you didn’t decide to ignore me forever.

Anyways. I feel like I should link to Hopeless Romantic’s blog, just because he created one – a whole year early. You overachiever (yeah, I know, it’s my fault). Plus, you like adorable romantic things, and will definitely post them. Can I request a satire piece, please?

Enchanted is such a cute movie. While I was at internship, StarsandtheMoon (aka E-), S- (because she is extra super secretive and no one knows about her blog… except for a couple people of course), TakingOverTheWorld, and who knows who else were watching Enchanted. While I am slightly jealous, I realize that I’ve also memorized the movie, so every time Stars texted me with a reference to a scene, it’s like I was watching it in my head. J See, I’m awesome like that.

I just read this post. I have to point out the part about part where you said knowing the person doesn’t change the quality of the writing. I only agree with that to a certain extent – I love E-‘s story because it’s so much like her. I can see how much it ties into her life, and I feel like it makes it better because I have that kind of extra insight that other people may not have. So yes, it does change the quality of the story. Also, sometimes if it’s too strongly based off of someone’s life, it lessens the creativity of it – therefore the author of the writing does change my opinion. I think the idea that you’re trying to say is that if a post was originally good, and then you figured out who wrote it, some people believe it heightens the quality of the piece: which it doesn’t (I agree with you). If it’s good, it’s good; if it sucks, it sucks. Doesn’t matter who wrote it.

Anyways, I decided that I have been neglecting posting pictures of T.O.P. Therefore, I shall post this one – I like the hat. It’s fabulous.

AND A FINAL NOTE: I HOPE FOR SNOW!!! Somehow, I feel like a snowstorm isn’t going to happen. L

❄❄❄

I lack inspiration

Here we go – stream of consciousness number two! I really don’t have much to say this time – I’ve been searching for inspiration but not finding it. I feel like writing about a person, but I don’t really know who to write about. And I didn’t hear awesome music. I heard not so awesome music. And therefore, that makes me even less inspired. I really like raspberries. But not to eat. In my lotion. I like body butter, it makes my skin feel and smell lovely, and then it is fabulous.

I am very purple in my writing. It kind of upsets me, because it makes me utterly boring to read. All I do is pummel you, dear reader, with adjectives. And I want to be interesting enough to be read. I think that I developed this habit because in like seventh or eighth grade, we were taught how to mimic this style where it was like this giant length description of nature. I don’t know what it was, it might’ve been a canyon. I asked 3D for inspiration/a subject to write about, and he said “write about a unicorn frustrated by his/her gender and setting off on an epic quest to discover his/her sexuality”. Sorry, 3D, I don’t think so. Why unicorn? And why gender confusion? There is no gender confusion in my world. Actually, there definitely is. But GD is definitely a guy. Even if he might look just a little feminine in that blonde picture that I posted up. But he definitely looks good – I have no idea why people are freaked out. Lots of gender confusion. I decided that if GD was a girl, he and T.O.P would be a good couple. Okay, I’m done being weird.

I like my phone. And I like texting. And now I text when I walk, which is like the worst idea on the face of the planet. Even when I’m on the phone when I walk, I still manage to trip. Actually, even when I’m just walking, I manage to trip. I manage to not trip and I’m fairly alert when I am texting. Maybe because I am super intense with my attention. Also, 3D says the sexually confused unicorn prompt is “a legit inspiration”. I’m sure it is, 3D, I’m sure it is.

I dislike college essays. Because I honestly don’t know what to say. Why do I want to go to that school? I don’t know. It was on a whim. But not really. But I don’t really have any concrete ideas as to why I wanted to go to that school. I want chocolate. I love chocolate. And the person I’m supposed to have a meeting with is like I’m in a different part of the country and then taking an extended Thanksgiving break. *Flees like the wind* Really? Seriously? Who takes a Thanksgiving break. That’s longer than two days. I don’t understand you. Rawr.

I need to come up with pseudonyms for people. Like E-. I don’t know what to call her. She is StarsAndTheMoon, but that’s kind of a mouthful. S and M? HAHA NO. That would be terrible. I think she is much more open about her identity online than I am. But of course, you all know who I am.

I like details. And really dreamy scenes. Like, the mist slightly obscures the image, and it’s this dreamy, wistful state. But not really. Because a lot of my posts are like I’m angry and angsty at the world. ALOT IS BETTER THAN YOU AT SWIMMING. That makes me crack up so much.

And this person, he wrote about me! I am excited, and I think I will go read it. You lied to me. You did not post.

Now, I will sink into utter despair at how you lied to me.

Just kidding, but I have better things to do now. Here is a picture of a rapper that this person linked me to. I like it. And it’s not GD or T.O.P! Even though I definitely mentioned them in this post. He’s pretty though. ♥

Oh my goodness what is wrong with me

So, I decided to do a stream of consciousness. Because I realized that I was thinking about things, and I really wanted to put them in my previous post, but I had to stay on topic. And make sense. Mostly. Making sense pretty much sucks a lot (NOT [the] ALOT OF SENSE *confused looking monster*). See, I am already creating tangents, which are awesome but they don’t help readers understand life. UNDERSTAND MY BRAIN, PLEASE DO IT. Also, I will write in the same type of grammar that I feel like I speak. With intensity and lack of punctuation and lack of sense and lack of continuity and oh hey there’s a flashing orange button I shall go see what he has to say to me right now. And he is trying to convince me that he is not witty, but obviously he is and he is just lying to me. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. SNEAKY. But I won’t fall for it. Because I CAN SEE YOUR LIE. YOUR LIE IS NOT TRICKING ME. Also I had a conversation with the interns that sit with me about tricking myself into getting one more hour sleep because of daylight savings. And then I realized because I know I am tricking myself, I would be able to outsmart myself and I still wouldn’t get extra sleep. DARN YOU BRAIN, STOP NOT FALLING FOR YOUR OWN TRICKS. Also, my caps probably don’t ever make sense. I think I am arbitrary. AND YOU, STOP MAKING FUN OF ME I DO NOT APPRECIATE IT. I just had 2 Kit Kats. I think this is also the reason for my insanity. But also I am just insane on a daily basis. I think I should stop being insane, but my brain will not stop for some reason. I’D LIKE TO MAKE SENSE, BRAIN. PLEASE LET ME MAKE SENSE. WHY ARE YOU SO UNCOOPERATIVE. You know, one day, I will realize that my brain is a single personality. But before then, I WILL CONTINUE TO TALK TO MYSELF. YES I CAPITALIZE TO EMPHASIZE MYSELF OR WHEN I FEEL LIKE SEEING CAPITAL LETTERS. And I kind of feel like I should start a new paragraph, but also I feel like I am talking about the same thing so I shouldn’t. But giant blocks of text scare people. E-, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? GIANT BLOCKS OF TEXT SCARE PEOPLE.

                Oh hey I just randomly decided to.  Because I was talking about indenting and I am still talking about indenting BUT I DECIDED TO APPLY WHAT I AM DOING and I should seriously draw pictures. But not really. I need to stop reading this blog (OH HEY I’M REMINDING MYSELF TO LINK LATER), but actually I will forget to link because I already have abnormal amounts of caps. THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE WHO DESIRE A RESPONSE POTENTIALLY. I am stopping typing.

                Oh an I decided to randomly indent before I left and I TRIED TO TYPE ON THE LAST PARAGRAPH AND THEN COMPUTER WAS LIKE NO, I WON’T LET YOU. And then I realized the purpose of indenting because I KNEW I WOULD FORGET AND YEAH, I DID. WHY SO MUCH ORANGE. WHY CAN’T I CHANGE IT TO PINK. WHY ARE YOU ALL SO NEEDY. Just kidding, I’m so much more needy than you all. ALSO, YOU, STOP LYING TO ME. Why do you lie to me. And why am I typing “like”. DO NOT LIE TO ME (I do not like you lying to me. brain, stop destroying my point by typing like whenever I think of lie. I do not like lies. Lies are bad for me. Especially when they are pointed at me).

                ELKS. They are like moose but not exactly. And they are FURRY. Aren’t they? Also, you lie to me a lot. It makes me burn with rage and salty tears on the inside. But not the outside. I FEEL SLIGHTLY NUMB. I think that streams of consciousness are bad for my health. That was a non sequitur. I wonder if anyone is still reading because this is not exactly a fabulous post, it’s more like WHAT THE CREPE IS GOING ON WITH MY BRAIN. Oh noes, I censored myself. Because I realized that I do not want swearing to me IMMORTALIZED (wow, why am I so melodramatic) into my blog. As if my blog is going to EXIST FOREVER AND THEN IT WOULD SUCK.

                ARBITRARY INDENTING BECAUSE I LIKE INDENTS. I like fragmented sentences too. Also Hopeless Romantic (aka L-) just destroyed my sense of reality. Parents do not make you watch movies, unless they are educational. OR IF THEY WANT BONDING TIME WITH YOU.

                Oh my goodness, I am actually really terrified. I’m going numb. That usually only happens when I stop breathing or I hyperventilate or I’m really upset. But I’m not upset right now. I’m just going numb and it’s scary and MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP NOW. AUUUUUGGHHHHH I’m being sent into a panic that is making me more numb and not able to see clearly.

                I am going to end this stream of consciousness because I think my consciousness is actually ending right now. Goodbye.  


Post-SoC-Note, exactly 36 minutes later: I realized that I forgot to link. I knew it. Why do I know myself so well. Why am I a disappointing child. On a brighter note, I'm not dead yet. Anyways, here is the link. Why do I utterly fail at life. I am depressed, but too busy to be depressed at the same time. I should do something productive, maybe. BUT SHE'S SO INTERESTING. I wonder if Awkward Zombie updated...

Post note, exactly 45 minutes later: I realized that I'm going to read this point later, and not realize what the crepe I was talking about. But, I was mostly addressing the "you"s to !!!, because he was making me enraged. I JUDGE YOU, !!!, I JUDGE YOU.