Worst. Idea. Ever.

                Okay, so do you know what bothers me? That social experiment thing, where you don’t go on Facebook, IM people, or text for like a week. Yeah, that. It’s really kind of ridiculous, and I refuse to do it. It’s not like I don’t talk to people not on IM or text. I call people a lot, and I just choose to, not just that I’m being enforced to by peer pressure or something. I’m not anti-social (unlike a lot of you who are choosing to do it). It just makes it so freaking hard to get hold of any of you. Do you know how terrible you all are at answering your phones? Go check your phone, right now. Go see how many calls you have missed. Stupid, idiotic *mumbles under breath*…

                Yeah. I’m annoyed at you all for being retarded. It’s not like you talk to people more often anyhow. I don’t see any of you making an effort to talk to people you aren’t comfortable with. I don’t see you guys trying to gain a personal connection. And if you say you are with the people you originally were friends with, then WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS WERE YOU GUYS ANYWAYS? There’s something wrong when you need to artificially enforce personalized communication with your so called friends. Grow up, all of you.

               And now, I have to talk about the class, huh? Well, here’s a word of advice: show up to your own workshop on time. And I think that the person should sit in the middle, in the chair of shame/honor. Depending on how your story is. And have people stare at you intimidatingly from the center. Or, you can sit in the center and make intimidating eye contact with the person who is criticizing you. I DARE YOU TO CRITCIZE ME. FEEL MY WRATH THROUGH MY POISONOUS GAZE. Something like that. But seriously, I love a third of the stories, I hate a third of the stories, and for a sixth I really couldn’t care less you bore me to pieces and the last sixth is a I-think-you-write-well-but-I-didn’t-like-the-overall-premise-just-not-my-style-really-it’s-not-your-fault. And the intense lack of honesty throughout the entire thing just makes me want to burn things. At least I’m honest in my handwritten comments. Not that you would care to read through the entire things anyways.

                Also, seriously people. It definitely was a legitimate thing to say when I said that I thought S-‘s character’s neck snapped. Seriously, it would’ve worked fine, because then the twin would’ve died and then she could’ve spent the entire time getting to know herself. Its TOTALLY LEGITIMATE. People, stop being stupid. I’m angry at you. I hate you.

                And Inx, I am on the phone with you. And I am going to get a kink in my neck because I am trying to type as well as talk to you. It’s really hard. I guess I’m going to give up, since I was vaguely productive. Blogging is for myself, it’s not really for anyone else.

                And I was forced to get off the phone. THIS IS WHY I CANNOT BE ON PHONES, OKAY? GOODNESS. Dumbest idea ever; please go drown yourself in nearest possible liquid source. Go be creative, okay?

Computer Fail

Guess what? Today, I broke my computer. Yes, you read that right. I actually broke my computer. Not like I had to restart it broke. Like I couldn’t restart it broke. And I can’t find my profile thing. It’s just gone. And really, it’s just because I’m ridiculously impatient. My computer was just being laggy and slow as usual, and I forced it to shut down. And then it kind of wouldn’t work properly after that. I guess the first time I realized something was wrong was when there was this weird screen (no, it wasn’t blue) where it told me that some files in my computer were unreadable. That should’ve been the first sign. But it turned on and I couldn’t see anything wrong with it (the screen looked right…) and I was like oh well, I guess that doesn’t really mean anything. First lesson learned today: when my computer tells me something is wrong, something is wrong and I should be worried. And then I opened MSN messenger. And then it was like BLUE SCREEN I ARE THE ANGER AT YOU. So I didn’t really think much of it. Because my computer does that a lot. Apparently, it’s not a good thing (just in case you couldn’t tell, I know it’s a bad thing, but my computer does do it a lot). Except for usually, my computer restarts itself right after it does that. And I’m like Meh, that was obnoxious, but no big deal. Okay I got tired about writing about it. Either way, I’m working to fix it. And thank you people who were on the phone with me. Especially J-. Because I called him first. And therefore, that means I was the most panicky with him. And I get very panicky. Thank you for being calm and whatnot. Oh my goodness, computer, please – what. Seriously? “The Group Policy Client service failed the logon. Access is denied.” QQ. Seriously. What does that mean? Does that mean I don’t get to get on my… wait, did the computer just decide to turn off? When it – hmm… uh, this is a problem. I cannot access my account. I am so tired of this. Where/how can I just FIX IT RIGHT NOW. Because I’d like my computer back. Okay, I will try restarting the computer. Because I’ve tried the same thing three times in a row in hopes that it would have un-broken itself between the times that I tried. I wish it worked that way. (Oh, by the way, I am on a laptop that is not mine. Because I am not epic enough to be restarting while still typing up a word document.) I seriously hope that it lets me in this time. What’s a group policy client service? I think that I should not go into engineering. I feel like I would just accidentally forever break everything. And then it would suck. A lot. Okay, this is seriously a problem. Because restarting it didn’t do anything. I am less worried now. Because I have all of my files safely tucked away. It’s just obnoxious that I cannot have my computer anymore. That I can’t use it. Oh well, I’ve been needing a new computer anyhow. What is the lifetime of a computer anyways? I’ve had mine for ages. Just kidding, not ages. More like since eighth grade, which isn’t that long of a time I guess. In the grand scheme of things. I was going to have another dialogue with Linali, but I don’t really feel up to it. Perhaps later tonight, I will do that. But for now, I will finish my incomplete thoughts about my computer, and just leave it at that. Good night, all.

Black Friday is pretty dreary

                Black Friday! I decided not to go shopping this year. I’m not even sure if I went shopping last year either. I’m just not exactly fond of being in places where there are giant throngs of people desperate shopping for their lives. I mean really, it’s not like things are super on sale beyond belief. They’re just a little more on sale than they usually are. And I don’t really need anything. I mean, how many people in America end up buying things they don’t need just because of this “super awesome sale” that actually isn’t that awesome. Also, I’m pretty sure that most people would buy electronic, in which case why not just buy online? I’d rather just sit at home with a cup of hot cocoa, and watch everyone else freak out about the sales. Consumerism, look at where you’ve led us.

                I realized that I need to write more for my college essays. And that I’m pretty much procrastinating beyond all belief… it’s like the early ones were turned in, and then I just gave up completely. Which is a terrible idea I realize. Well, today, I am not going shopping. I am not going to do anything else besides blog and do college things. *Absolute resolve!!* Well, that’s not going to happen. But I can sure try, and try desperately.

                Yesterday, I actually didn’t eat that much. I actually dislike Asian parties (pretty sure I am definitely breaking rules of Asian-ness by saying this), and I pretty much dislike the food. I only like certain foods. And I dislike eating in front of people. And on the floor. With a paper plate. In my lap. That just spells disaster. I will definitely without fail get food all over me and look like a complete idiot. Actually, it’s just that I don’t like being with these people… it’s not like I’m close to them at all. I’d rather be with my prism family. They are better family. Well, it’s not like I hate these people. It’s just that I’m not especially comfortable with them.

                Anyhow, these gatherings are not especially full of fun or win, or even vaguely amusement. I tend to skip them a lot, but this year I was forcibly dragged to it. I would have much rather stayed at home and listened to awesome music and danced dorkily in the privacy of my own room. And eaten whatever things that were at home. And would have given much thanks to the fact that I had the internet, free time, and awesomeness by myself. Oh well, what’s done is done. I remember when I was little, and I would beg that I could stay just ten more minutes. Now, the only time that I beg for ten more minutes is when I’m asleep. Please, just leave me alone, just ten more minutes… Pretty much. Growing up pretty much sucks, I think. Yeah. It does.

                What do I want for Christmas? Big Bang, please, under my Christmas tree ♥! Or at least a Christmas album released by them. They said they would! Christmas will consist of blaring a newly released album by them. Awesome!

                Just kidding. Best Christmas present would be college acceptance letters. If I don’t get that, my Christmas will inevitably suck, and I will be tapping out various essays while being epicly angst and sulk.

                Let’s not think of that. I’d rather look at awesome pictures of Big Bang.

Love ♥ (and angst)

I have homework to do, but I’m contemplating if I want to blog about GD more. And I’m being the opposite of productive, so in the end, I just decided to blog. And instead of just blogging about GD or T.O.P, I decided to change it up a little. I finally, finally went and read GenreWhiplash’s and BlenderLid’s blogs. Well, lies. I went and read BlenderLid’s post about Quinn Marksley, but that was a long time ago. And I went to see GenreWhiplash’s random posts about music, but I definitely don’t share his tastes in music. And I didn’t find it incredibly interesting. Sorries. Oh, and 3D's. That one's just fantastic. And I'm definitely an Energizer Bunny.

                I’m desperately trying to avoid talking about GD more. He’s so cute with his hair spiked. And dyed. Really, I think I liked dyed hair, and the look of being blown free by the wind (and not super short or tied into poodle like twists. That might’ve been the worst hairstyle I have ever seen.) He’s so adorable when he gives that cheeky smile of his. It’s like he embodies the innocence of youth, and he shines with a naiveté that can only be described as blissful happiness. The black jacket really suits him… Okay, I have officially given up. I promise that I’ll write quality posts one day. But not today.

                FINE. MAKE ME FEEL BAD. I’ll write a character sketch for you. BECAUSE YOU’RE A TERRIBLE READER THAT MAKES ME FEEL BAD. Just kidding. I love you.

₰₰₰

                He stood, tall and broad shouldered, with the majestic grace of an eagle. His generally tanned skin appeared pale and white under the moonlit sky. His eyes were as cold as the black depths of the lake he was surveying, and betrayed no emotion besides intense hatred. The stars cast a soft glow on his harsh expression, revealing an aged expression that betrayed the hard life he had been through. His brows furrowed, and he glared out at the serene landscape. He hated her, he simply hated her! He hated her for everything she is and was to him, his support that crumbled, the woman that left him shattered and restless. “A man that every woman desired.” Ha! If only they could see him now, a sulking and sorry excuse of the heroic and godlike figure he embodied during the daytime. An owl softly hooted and crikets chirped. The calm nightscape contrasted the burning turmoil he felt within. He wanted to scream, scream with every drop of rage, betrayal, and sadness that inundated and suffocated his heart. He felt weak, as if his life had been taken out of his control. With a single last severe glance over the cold and inky black waters, he spun on his heel, and stormed away into the dark.

₰₰₰

                That was so depressing. I’m going to post lots of adorable pictures now, because I actually wrote something. I mitigated my own guilt.





I like him with dyed hair. I honestly do. Most people hate blonde Asians, but I think GD’s like the only person who pulls it off well – I think it gives him an ethereal beauty… like a spirit, instead of a human.





This might be the absolute most adorable picture I have ever seen in my life. He seems so earnest, so truly amazed J





 Also, I'm not sure why I insist on citing my sources. I got the pictures from the internet. I put on the captions, but it absolutely destroyed the formatting and flow of the post, so now they're gone. It's a blog. And the captions looks so unsightly. I'll figure it out later. ♥
I'm happiness. And I love you! ♥ ♥ ♥

Hi, I Hate You

So this is inspired by “Picture to Burn”, which is the song that Inx and I were singing in downtown Bellevue. It was kind of super epic and absolutely awesome. J

***

Hi, I hate you. I hate you very much. In fact, if you didn’t exist, my world would be so much better. You. You are the reason I cannot have nice things. You are the reason I get little sleep. You are the reason that my life isn’t perfect. Feel bad yet? You should.

I will whine, yell, and scream at you. About every last little thing, because you deserve it. I hate you. I’ll hate you forever; I can’t wait until you’re out of my life. You realize that I don’t actually care about you right? Oh, but that doesn’t matter. Whether I care or not is not the matter at hand. The matter is that I’m rather miserable and it is all your fault. Yup. Your fault.

So think badly of me for writing this. Go ahead, I don’t care.  It’s not like you thought highly of me in the first place. I will not longer be afraid of what you think of me. I will no longer censor my statements, or be worried that you will get mad at me. Get mad at me. I’ll watch you react to the things that I do, I’ll make you react, I’ll force myself into your head and make you regret everything you’ve ever done to me.  You’ll regret that you ever let me go, you’ll regret everything you did wrong, you’ll regret shattering my heart into a million pieces.

So have fun with your silly little life, and I’ll continue with mine. But just know that you, you’re the one who made me this way. I’ll hate you forever, and don’t you ever forget that.

***

WHEEEEEEEEE. That was insanely fun to write. And even if I’m not actually that angry, it’s fun to write angrily! It’s terrible though. When I’m writing this, my conscience is going “you’re not being fair” and “that’s not actually true” and “what a horrible thing to say!” So inherently, I am not an angry/unfair person, unfortunately (oops, this can definitely be contested). I hope that doesn’t show through, and I wrote a believable angry rant!

Haha, I feel slightly delirious J