Hello Kitty and Bland Cookies

                Have I told everyone how much I love Inx? Yes. Probably a billion times. BUT HE’S THE MOST AWESOME PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. And because of him, I now have FLUFFY HELLO KITTY PANTS. That might be the absolute best thing ever. Also, thank you for attempting to go lingerie shopping for me J that’s just going above and beyond. You’re wonderful at gift giving. Also I saw you drive today. And David was pretty annoyed at you for driving not extremely fast. We were confused as to why you would have the bumper sticker. And then we spent forever going who is that person. And then we drove in front of you and it was like IT’S INX, IT’S INX, IT’S INX. And flailing wildly. And wiki tag. Wiki tag is fun. It has been concluded that I can win when it’s about a K pop idol that I know about. And then never anytime else because I don’t know anything about other people ever. Hehe, Lee Sungmin to Triceratops = only takes about 5 or 6 clicks. That’s pretty impressive. Also, some province in China to Minho = only 3 or 4 clicks. But Minho doesn’t have his own wiki page, unfortunately.

                Business needs to never have computers. Because then I will seriously never listen ever and play all kinds of random stuff. Like that random cat trap game. I can’t get myself to go write my college essays. I am just full of happy and hurray! It’s like Christmas came early, which it did. But I guess not Christmas. More like, I just like getting presents. I bet everyone does.

                I have to remember to bring gifts on Wednesday and Friday. And to go gift shopping for the various people that I need to get gifts for. Oh dear goodness, I am running out of time.

                Okay, more about my character. I think she’ll have a blonde wig, similar to Jessica’s. because I really like that wig. And I want to wear it for funsies, besides the fact that it would look extra strange on me since my eyebrows are the wrong color. Perhaps I should describe the guy. He is tall, broad shouldered, and looks like a guy (are you happy D-? The guy resembles a guy and not a girl. And Sungmin is definitely cute, for sure). He has sandy brown hair, likes sailing, and is a lawyer. He also likes hiking, and owns a cabin on a cliff – somehow I feel like I already said that. The cliff is essential. Actually, it’s not that the cliff is essential, it’s the cabin in the middle of nowhere that is essential. Maybe he owns the few acres around it, and likes seclusion. He’s extremely attractive, but doesn’t have time for a relationship… they should both be around late twenties. Because otherwise they are too old for random intense physical activity like intense sailing. Something like that.

                I feel like I have been neglecting the topic of Christmas. Christmas is important! I love holiday season, and I love being a little kid (OKAY, SO I’M NOT ACTAULLY A LITTLE KID. BUT I CAN PRETEND TO BE) and being happily childish. Also, I never knew that cookies could taste so bad. Seriously, prism kids should not be allowed to cook. We’re REALLY BAD AT IT. Not even kidding. Those were the blandest cookies I have ever tasted. I think that E- should just bake and the rest of us shouldn’t. But prism gatherings are epic fun. When wrists aren’t being broken. K-, I hope you are okay! But we should still go ice skating again. Yes you, K-, even with your broken wrist. Just be more careful.

                And soon enough winter break will start! I’m so excited! But college for now.

                By the way, Inx, thanks but no thanks for drawing that Omanyte on my Christmas card J Italicized smileys look kind of retarded.

                Instead of clogging everyone's feeds, I decided to continue my post here about 2 hours later. Because I love this vid. And no, it's not a parody. But it is nevertheless super awesome. Realization. This is my 69th post. *Immature*

Into Your Arms

Oh. My. Goodness. This guy might be the most awesome thing on the face of the planet. Because he is. How the crepe does he make those noises with his mouth. Also his eyes are absolutely gorgeous – it’s like you can just stare into them forever. Also watch his cover of Fireflies. I really enjoyed it.

Wow I’m so terrible at keeping this stream of consciousness going, because I’m talking to BlenderLid and failing at saving things, and other people. Yeah, I did get tired of listing people after one person. I’m listening to “The Force of Love” now… I’m going to go back to listening to Mike Tompkin’s version of Teenage Dream.

OH MY GOODNESS I FIGURED OUT HOW TO SAVE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW ACCOMPLISHED I FEEL. FALSE SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT. I think I’m simple minded. And I’m afraid of technology. To a certain degree. BlenderLid makes me feel inadequate. Like all the time. Oh dear goodness. I think I definitely fear technology. Especially since my computer LOVES BREAKING. Every other day. Thanks for destroying my life. Both of you. (Wait, my computer became an entity that I talk to?)

Anyways, I think I like these altered lyrics of Teenage Dream. It’s less… racy? And it’s slightly more adorable ♥ “Let’s fall into each other’s arms, no regrets, just love” which is better than implying terrible and horrid things. Just kidding. But it’s definitely more “refined”, I suppose. I’m pretty sure my commas are wrong. But I never understand how to use commas in those situations, so I’m going to do what makes sense to me. “You make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream, and when you turn it on, I can’t sleep” ♥ I love this song so much – and this guy just makes it so much better.

I had to turn the music off. I’m so bad at blogging when I’m listening to something at the same time. It’s like it uses up too much of my attention, and then I’m super like what’s going on I cannot type I only have – what was I talking about again? I decided that I’m blogging every day because he is too. We have this arrangement where we each post one time a day. Hopefully, we’ll be able to post once a day for the rest of the year – just kidding, I know that’ll never happen. Maybe until the end of the month. That seems way more likely.

Oh my goodness, BlenderLid, you do love me. I don’t understand you. But I do hope that you do love me. And you’re kind of fabulous. Stop thinking I’m obnoxious. I’m definitely not obnoxious all the time. Actually, you’re probably going to never speak to me again after you read this. But I don’t think my blog is important enough to you, so hopefully you won’t read this. I’d definitely prefer it if you didn’t decide to ignore me forever.

Anyways. I feel like I should link to Hopeless Romantic’s blog, just because he created one – a whole year early. You overachiever (yeah, I know, it’s my fault). Plus, you like adorable romantic things, and will definitely post them. Can I request a satire piece, please?

Enchanted is such a cute movie. While I was at internship, StarsandtheMoon (aka E-), S- (because she is extra super secretive and no one knows about her blog… except for a couple people of course), TakingOverTheWorld, and who knows who else were watching Enchanted. While I am slightly jealous, I realize that I’ve also memorized the movie, so every time Stars texted me with a reference to a scene, it’s like I was watching it in my head. J See, I’m awesome like that.

I just read this post. I have to point out the part about part where you said knowing the person doesn’t change the quality of the writing. I only agree with that to a certain extent – I love E-‘s story because it’s so much like her. I can see how much it ties into her life, and I feel like it makes it better because I have that kind of extra insight that other people may not have. So yes, it does change the quality of the story. Also, sometimes if it’s too strongly based off of someone’s life, it lessens the creativity of it – therefore the author of the writing does change my opinion. I think the idea that you’re trying to say is that if a post was originally good, and then you figured out who wrote it, some people believe it heightens the quality of the piece: which it doesn’t (I agree with you). If it’s good, it’s good; if it sucks, it sucks. Doesn’t matter who wrote it.

Anyways, I decided that I have been neglecting posting pictures of T.O.P. Therefore, I shall post this one – I like the hat. It’s fabulous.

AND A FINAL NOTE: I HOPE FOR SNOW!!! Somehow, I feel like a snowstorm isn’t going to happen. L

❄❄❄

I lack inspiration

Here we go – stream of consciousness number two! I really don’t have much to say this time – I’ve been searching for inspiration but not finding it. I feel like writing about a person, but I don’t really know who to write about. And I didn’t hear awesome music. I heard not so awesome music. And therefore, that makes me even less inspired. I really like raspberries. But not to eat. In my lotion. I like body butter, it makes my skin feel and smell lovely, and then it is fabulous.

I am very purple in my writing. It kind of upsets me, because it makes me utterly boring to read. All I do is pummel you, dear reader, with adjectives. And I want to be interesting enough to be read. I think that I developed this habit because in like seventh or eighth grade, we were taught how to mimic this style where it was like this giant length description of nature. I don’t know what it was, it might’ve been a canyon. I asked 3D for inspiration/a subject to write about, and he said “write about a unicorn frustrated by his/her gender and setting off on an epic quest to discover his/her sexuality”. Sorry, 3D, I don’t think so. Why unicorn? And why gender confusion? There is no gender confusion in my world. Actually, there definitely is. But GD is definitely a guy. Even if he might look just a little feminine in that blonde picture that I posted up. But he definitely looks good – I have no idea why people are freaked out. Lots of gender confusion. I decided that if GD was a girl, he and T.O.P would be a good couple. Okay, I’m done being weird.

I like my phone. And I like texting. And now I text when I walk, which is like the worst idea on the face of the planet. Even when I’m on the phone when I walk, I still manage to trip. Actually, even when I’m just walking, I manage to trip. I manage to not trip and I’m fairly alert when I am texting. Maybe because I am super intense with my attention. Also, 3D says the sexually confused unicorn prompt is “a legit inspiration”. I’m sure it is, 3D, I’m sure it is.

I dislike college essays. Because I honestly don’t know what to say. Why do I want to go to that school? I don’t know. It was on a whim. But not really. But I don’t really have any concrete ideas as to why I wanted to go to that school. I want chocolate. I love chocolate. And the person I’m supposed to have a meeting with is like I’m in a different part of the country and then taking an extended Thanksgiving break. *Flees like the wind* Really? Seriously? Who takes a Thanksgiving break. That’s longer than two days. I don’t understand you. Rawr.

I need to come up with pseudonyms for people. Like E-. I don’t know what to call her. She is StarsAndTheMoon, but that’s kind of a mouthful. S and M? HAHA NO. That would be terrible. I think she is much more open about her identity online than I am. But of course, you all know who I am.

I like details. And really dreamy scenes. Like, the mist slightly obscures the image, and it’s this dreamy, wistful state. But not really. Because a lot of my posts are like I’m angry and angsty at the world. ALOT IS BETTER THAN YOU AT SWIMMING. That makes me crack up so much.

And this person, he wrote about me! I am excited, and I think I will go read it. You lied to me. You did not post.

Now, I will sink into utter despair at how you lied to me.

Just kidding, but I have better things to do now. Here is a picture of a rapper that this person linked me to. I like it. And it’s not GD or T.O.P! Even though I definitely mentioned them in this post. He’s pretty though. ♥

I need to stop wasting my life and get sleep

InvisiblePink says: [Okay, so I’ll have random comments in italics all the way through. Some of the comments are not in order. Just like this is the third or fourth comment I have made throughout this entire thing. Too bad, reader, you are confused.]

                Also

                I need a different name for you

                That’s not !!!

                Because I feel like i need to tag you.

                BECUASE FOR SOME REASON

                YOU SHOW UP A LOT. [I explain later why I cannot just use !!! as a name. Because I like it a lot.]

!!! says:

Wait on your blog?

InvisiblePink says:

                Yeah.

!!! says:

Yeah !!! looks like a swear word or something [I don’t even. No it doesn’t. **** would look more like a swear word.]

InvisiblePink says:

Well then.

What should i call you?

!!! says:

Uhhh

I have no idea

InvisiblePink says:

You should come up with one.

!!! says:

                Ooh, I’m terrible at that

                That’s almost as bad as stream of conscious-ing [I also have no idea where you got the idea that your stream of consciousness was bad. It was interesting, and I am glad you did one. Although it really gave me zero insight into you.]

InvisiblePink says:

Your stream of consciousness was pretty normal

                It was fine

!!! says:

Yeah but i don't like it [Picky, picky]

InvisiblePink says:

So just come up with a name.

You dun have to like it

Otherwise, i will call you IAmNotASwearWord.

And that would kind of suck because that's hard to type. [Also it would not be pretty sounding. But I didn’t mention that.]

!!! says:

Sounds good

Haha [You. You are the reason we do not have nice things.]

InvisiblePink says:

NOOOO.

LIES.

I WILL CALL YOU SOMETHIG RIDICULOUSLY GIRLY [This is perhaps the worst threat I have ever come up with. I blame my lack of sleep.]

!!! says:

Go ahead

InvisiblePink says:

NOOOO.

STOP IT.

STOP ITTTT. [“Please stop” is ineffective.]

!!! says:

You have some good ideas!

You should come up with one [NICE TRY. I SEE WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO DO.]

InvisiblePink says:

No.

I want it to be yours

WHAT DO YOU LIKE

Randomly start listing things. [Futile attempt is futile.]

!!! says:

Steak

Pokémon [This is a later note when I was reformatting the conversation so it wouldn’t make my blog explode, but Pokémon is a word recognized by Microsoft Word. With the accent. What is this.][Even later note: that was my very first note. Ha, just screwed with your brain.]

Uhhhh

I’m stuck

InvisiblePink says:

I LOVE HOW STEAK WAS THE FIRST ONE. [I laughed for real.]

!!! says:

Haha that would be terrible though

InvisiblePink says:

                "Steak says:"

 -____- [I am not amuse.]

!!! says:

lol

InvisiblePink says:

MORE AWESOMENESS.

NEEDS MOARRR. [This obviously shows that I do not have enough capacity to speak in a normal manner. I should have looked at that, and realized that sleep was the only option. But obviously, I continued speaking. And being overall dumb. And crazy. Again, when will I ever be sane?]

!!! says:

Ok

I’ll go to a random word generator

And then anagram it [DON’T LIE TO ME.]

InvisiblePink says:

GAH [I don’t use my words effectively.]

!!! says:

Hooray! [He is joy at making me frustrated.]

InvisiblePink says:

NO.

RAWRRRR

Be WITTY. [See, seriously, I need sleep. Why am I so ridiculous and dumb all the time?]

!!! says:

Sorry my witty functions have been exhausted for the day

InvisiblePink says:

NOOOO.

!!! says:

Wait what kind of thing do you want?

Really short?

InvisiblePink says:

Yeah pretty much

Like Inx and !!! are really easy to type [Wow, my laziness knows absolutely no bounds.]

Personally, my own is very hard to type.

!!! says:

What is yours?

InvisiblePink says:

InvisiblePink? [I am just as uncreative as the rest of the world.]

!!! says:

Oh

No abbreviation? [HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO FIND – I HAVE A PROBLEM. And yes, I need to shorten it. But no, I cannot find a good way to do so. Geez, make me feel bad, won’t you]

InvisiblePink says:

IDK. Not really.

You can take the first 4 letters.

That sounds vaguely like a name [Invi really doesn’t. Sounds like Vivi, but failed.]

!!! says:

Oh yeah [This is you agreeing out of courtesy.]

InvisiblePink says:

I think you should be NotUnlikeARose, so I can call you Rose.

That would make me laugh. [What happened to my sense of humor. Did it die when my brain cells shut off for the night?]

!!! says:

Haha

Ugh

I cannot think [At least you realized this. I did not realize it, I merely charged forward in a giant wave of insanity and stupidity]

InvisiblePink says:

11:11 make a wish

!!! says:

Well that was a fun minute [You and your sarcasm.]

InvisiblePink says:

Can you be something funny now. [Actually, there was a  dialogue here. But it was unrelated, so I cut it out.]

I NEED YOU TO DECIDE ON SOMETHING

SO I CAN TURN THIS INTO A POST.

PLEASE STOP BEING UNCOOPERATIVE. [RAWR, THE WORLD CENTERS AROUND ME, I KNOW IT]

!!! says:

Sorry

007

JK

That would be quite presumptuous [At this point, I am really, really amazed that you are still attempting to humor me.]

Blue Ranger!

I have no idea

InvisiblePink says:

Rawr, i don't think you can get better than !!!

But i cannot tag you as !!!

!!! says:

Why not?

InvisiblePink says:

Because blogger doesn't like symbols in tags. [FINALLY, A REASON. Also, why did it take so long for me to say this. And why do I have such a silly reason. WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE. Also it is 12:15. Obviously, I need to go to sleep.]

!!! says:

Ohhh [Suddenly, my insanity makes sense to him]

InvisiblePink says:

Therefore, I need to refer to you as something

!!! says:

TT [!!! Is getting tired of humoring Invi]

InvisiblePink says:

[I actually don’t have a name for her either. She doesn’t like dinosaur as a name] says:

Oh

.....uh.......

idk

Well if he was !!!

His blog title

Would mean he was fleeing from himself [Just a quick note: I hate not having punctuation in my various blog posts, so I am adding in punctuation. But leaving everything else the same. Except for some spelling errors. I don’t understand myself. Perhaps because it is midnight and I am tired, but for some reason attempting to do this. THIS CONVERSATION ISN’T EVEN INTERESTING]

!!! says:

Haha

InvisiblePink says:

Escapist.

BUT PLEASE DONT BE THAT [Because it sounds really awkward. DON’T QUESTION ME.]

!!! says:

!!! is probably velociraptor things [This makes sense, because I was talking about velociraptor geese earlier. YES, I PROMISE YOU I MAKE SENSE.]

InvisiblePink says:

Oh, I see.

But I like !!! [I have resorted to stating the obvious]

!!! says:

Yeah

Me too [Read as: WHEN WILL THIS GIRL STOP TALKING TO ME]

InvisiblePink says:

It's fun

ALSO I THINK YOU NEED A SPACE

Because it bothers me. [Yeah, this is why I went into word and made sure things were capitalized and spelled right. What’s wrong with me.]

Maybe I’ll just refer to you as matt.

On my blog. [This is where I’m basically giving up.]

!!! says:

MJ

Oh yeah

InvisiblePink says:

DNW.

NO.

REJECTED. [Super aversion!!!!!!!]

!!! says:

Haha

Oh wait did you say matt?

That’s a good idea

Because that’s my name [Yes, obvious things are very obvious]

InvisiblePink says:

But.

But.

But. [E-: USE YOUR WORDS, GODDAMMIT]

!!! says:

It’s boring?

InvisiblePink says:

I WANT YOU TO HAVE AN -- yeah you got it [PSYCHOLOGICAL MELTDOWN AVERTED]

!!! says:

Peon

Just kidding

InvisiblePink says:

Erm. [Small vocabulary is small.]

!!! says:

I was looking at something

And that is a weird word

InvisiblePink says:

I agree

*sigh*

I feel like I should just tag you matt

And then continue to refer to you as !!! because I like it better. [Took me about 30 minutes to reach this conclusion.]

!!! says:

Yeah I’m sighing too [Read as: YOU FRUSTRATE ME WITH YOUR NONSENSE]

InvisiblePink says:

Why was this so challenging. [Small part of me doesn’t want to give up]

!!! says:

Because I’m terrible at this! [Subtext: SO STOP BOTHERING ME ALREADY]

InvisiblePink says:

Fine. I give up.

*THROWS HANDS UP IN DESPAIR* [DESPAIR CHILD IS IN DESPAIR]

*End conversation*

Post note: WOW, DID I JUST WASTE OVER AN HOUR OF MY LIFE TRYING TO REFORMAT AND COMMENT ON THIS? It is 12:22 AM. I am so going to regret posting this.

Oh my goodness what is wrong with me

So, I decided to do a stream of consciousness. Because I realized that I was thinking about things, and I really wanted to put them in my previous post, but I had to stay on topic. And make sense. Mostly. Making sense pretty much sucks a lot (NOT [the] ALOT OF SENSE *confused looking monster*). See, I am already creating tangents, which are awesome but they don’t help readers understand life. UNDERSTAND MY BRAIN, PLEASE DO IT. Also, I will write in the same type of grammar that I feel like I speak. With intensity and lack of punctuation and lack of sense and lack of continuity and oh hey there’s a flashing orange button I shall go see what he has to say to me right now. And he is trying to convince me that he is not witty, but obviously he is and he is just lying to me. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. SNEAKY. But I won’t fall for it. Because I CAN SEE YOUR LIE. YOUR LIE IS NOT TRICKING ME. Also I had a conversation with the interns that sit with me about tricking myself into getting one more hour sleep because of daylight savings. And then I realized because I know I am tricking myself, I would be able to outsmart myself and I still wouldn’t get extra sleep. DARN YOU BRAIN, STOP NOT FALLING FOR YOUR OWN TRICKS. Also, my caps probably don’t ever make sense. I think I am arbitrary. AND YOU, STOP MAKING FUN OF ME I DO NOT APPRECIATE IT. I just had 2 Kit Kats. I think this is also the reason for my insanity. But also I am just insane on a daily basis. I think I should stop being insane, but my brain will not stop for some reason. I’D LIKE TO MAKE SENSE, BRAIN. PLEASE LET ME MAKE SENSE. WHY ARE YOU SO UNCOOPERATIVE. You know, one day, I will realize that my brain is a single personality. But before then, I WILL CONTINUE TO TALK TO MYSELF. YES I CAPITALIZE TO EMPHASIZE MYSELF OR WHEN I FEEL LIKE SEEING CAPITAL LETTERS. And I kind of feel like I should start a new paragraph, but also I feel like I am talking about the same thing so I shouldn’t. But giant blocks of text scare people. E-, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? GIANT BLOCKS OF TEXT SCARE PEOPLE.

                Oh hey I just randomly decided to.  Because I was talking about indenting and I am still talking about indenting BUT I DECIDED TO APPLY WHAT I AM DOING and I should seriously draw pictures. But not really. I need to stop reading this blog (OH HEY I’M REMINDING MYSELF TO LINK LATER), but actually I will forget to link because I already have abnormal amounts of caps. THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE WHO DESIRE A RESPONSE POTENTIALLY. I am stopping typing.

                Oh an I decided to randomly indent before I left and I TRIED TO TYPE ON THE LAST PARAGRAPH AND THEN COMPUTER WAS LIKE NO, I WON’T LET YOU. And then I realized the purpose of indenting because I KNEW I WOULD FORGET AND YEAH, I DID. WHY SO MUCH ORANGE. WHY CAN’T I CHANGE IT TO PINK. WHY ARE YOU ALL SO NEEDY. Just kidding, I’m so much more needy than you all. ALSO, YOU, STOP LYING TO ME. Why do you lie to me. And why am I typing “like”. DO NOT LIE TO ME (I do not like you lying to me. brain, stop destroying my point by typing like whenever I think of lie. I do not like lies. Lies are bad for me. Especially when they are pointed at me).

                ELKS. They are like moose but not exactly. And they are FURRY. Aren’t they? Also, you lie to me a lot. It makes me burn with rage and salty tears on the inside. But not the outside. I FEEL SLIGHTLY NUMB. I think that streams of consciousness are bad for my health. That was a non sequitur. I wonder if anyone is still reading because this is not exactly a fabulous post, it’s more like WHAT THE CREPE IS GOING ON WITH MY BRAIN. Oh noes, I censored myself. Because I realized that I do not want swearing to me IMMORTALIZED (wow, why am I so melodramatic) into my blog. As if my blog is going to EXIST FOREVER AND THEN IT WOULD SUCK.

                ARBITRARY INDENTING BECAUSE I LIKE INDENTS. I like fragmented sentences too. Also Hopeless Romantic (aka L-) just destroyed my sense of reality. Parents do not make you watch movies, unless they are educational. OR IF THEY WANT BONDING TIME WITH YOU.

                Oh my goodness, I am actually really terrified. I’m going numb. That usually only happens when I stop breathing or I hyperventilate or I’m really upset. But I’m not upset right now. I’m just going numb and it’s scary and MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP NOW. AUUUUUGGHHHHH I’m being sent into a panic that is making me more numb and not able to see clearly.

                I am going to end this stream of consciousness because I think my consciousness is actually ending right now. Goodbye.  


Post-SoC-Note, exactly 36 minutes later: I realized that I forgot to link. I knew it. Why do I know myself so well. Why am I a disappointing child. On a brighter note, I'm not dead yet. Anyways, here is the link. Why do I utterly fail at life. I am depressed, but too busy to be depressed at the same time. I should do something productive, maybe. BUT SHE'S SO INTERESTING. I wonder if Awkward Zombie updated...

Post note, exactly 45 minutes later: I realized that I'm going to read this point later, and not realize what the crepe I was talking about. But, I was mostly addressing the "you"s to !!!, because he was making me enraged. I JUDGE YOU, !!!, I JUDGE YOU.

AW Effect

This is a very discontinuous rant that I attempted to make continuous at points. Also I am being purposely vague because this is a public blog, and so if it doesn’t make sense to you, it’s probably not supposed to.

The Archaic Weaponry Effect (AW Effect) (it’s referencing something that K-, M-, Inx, and I made up in the car ride over that was full of both giggles and “oh God what are we going to think of next” and thinking about Taboo and lots of randomness about Halloween party and our uterus/virginity hurting… but not collectively because we are not in sync yet… along with awesome story that most people will not think is awesome but we think is awesome because we have a very weird sense of humor) actually has nothing to do with weapons. The AW Effect exists when two entities are extremely close to the point where I can’t tell where one mind starts and the other finishes, and they seem to be completely at odds regarding the – well, actually I won’t say, because I would assume it would make it too obvious. And dear readers, you most likely already know what’s going on, but for the few of you who don’t, I’d like to keep you in the dark. But they take turns, and there is a passing period where life basically sucks for any third party involved.

It’s just something that inflicts my every day life with abnormal amounts of pain, and makes me wish that I really didn’t care. Because honestly, how hard is it for two instances of something to occur simultaneously? Do you script my life? Because if you do, really, can you make it better? Seriously? And why do you have to be so mean to me. You make me cry. Feel bad. Now. But of course you do not feel bad. Of course you probably do not have any idea what you are doing to me, neither of you. Unless you guys are actually secret masterminds who are plotting out my life to make it so that I am perpetually miserable, in which case, you guys are horrible. Emphasis on the whore.

On a completely different note, I’ve been listening to “Dreaming of You” (E-, you should be happy! It’s the first song that I listen to that has had like… any Spanish at all in it J). Late at night when the all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you… and I wish on a star that somewhere you are thinking of me too… I do wish. So much so that breathing hurts. It’s such a pretty song! L-, thanks for being more of a hopeless romantic than I am, and printing out fanfic for me every morning. And having Love Actually on your Zune. Because you kind of brighten up my day all the time. Seriously, you are one of the most fabulous people I know. And having a glitter wand made of a bubble tea straw. Oh you, I should tell you to do homework instead of making my life so much more wonderful. All I have are dreams of you… and a few cherished memories, even if you don’t like them. (Oh, before you readers get confused, I’m referencing two different people. At least. I might end up referencing like six.) I’m dreaming of you tonight Really, I don’t have dreams. I have nightmares. About the silliest things. But I do have nightmares always, and they’re always so realistic. And if you’re reading it, you’ve graced a dream of mine. Yes dream, not nightmare. FEEL SPECIAL.

I love my friends more than anything in the world. I am super grateful for them. They’re just the light of my world when my life seems to be collapsing (but really, it’s just dull. I want a shiny world, please). Okay, I am done with my pretty fail rant. Goodnight, all you readers.

(Oh, and to !!!: I really, really, really, really, really, really love your blog. So update it please.)

Rant #2 Go!

So I realized that if I tried to analyze Nilda and/or Brownies in the way that I’ve been trained to do (with CDs and CMs and whatnot), it would just turn out bad. And boring. And so, ready, set, RANT NUMBER TWO GO!

Oops. My music is not on. Let me go find it.

Alright, and about fifteen minutes later the music turns on. Really, I need to not do that. Oh well~ Ever, ever after! Because I was thinking of the movie! She’s such a memorable character. Because she’s a Disney character that’s not in a Disney movie. And she’s just so ridiculous! She sings with animals and randomly dances and has no sense of shame. It’s just fabulous – I almost feel like everyone should be as awesomely naïve as her. But then, society would stop functioning. Because fairy tales don’t actually work. But she’s fabulous! And cute and adorable and full of fun J

So let’s start with Nilda. I kind of really didn’t like this story. It was just really, extremely awkward. And I don’t like awkward things. And reading it just made me not want to finish it. But it was an assignment. So I did finish it. And afterwards, I’m going “what just happened” with a confused look on my face. It was extremely colloquial? I suppose that’s the right term, considering there’s like a ridiculous amount of swearing in there. I don’t like that kind of story. And really, I did think that Rafa was a jerk. For not saying anything to Nilda when she poured her soul out to him. But then, after talking in class, I could see that he’s letting her down in his own way – letting her leave brokenhearted now rather than not able to move on after he died. It wasn’t the best way, but it was his own method.

Okay, tangent: song that’s on right now: Forever and Always, “and I flashback to when we said forever and always” that reminded me of flashbacks! And digging through our memories.

And I wanted to share my friend S-‘s and E-‘s (so, I really like talking about E- it seems, she’s just such a huge part of my life) memories! Because mine are just so boring. So, on S-‘s 15^th birthday, we were all at my friend L-‘s house (we were throwing a surprise party), and well, my friend L- is fabulous and full of interesting ideas and she decided that we should all pretend to be dead when S- came. And so we did. Just this morning, S- was a bit worried as to what we were all up to, rather than if we were alive or not. Or something like that. I actually have no idea what she thought. She just said she was “kind of worried”. But we were so bad at being “dead” that she couldn’t be worried that we were hurt.

Anyways, E-‘s memory! She had a… I have no idea. It was like some kind of Clue party. Or not. Perhaps. I believe so. Anyways, she had all of us dress up. And L- was fabulous as always. She was a… biker guy, I believe. She had her hair all slicked back, and was wearing baggy jeans and a really baggy sweatshirt with guy sunglasses. She totally rocked the look.

So I feel I should talk about Brownies and the Parrot story. Which I definitely thought was a “Carrot” story. I wrote carrot into my planner.

And so I don’t really feel like talking about these stories. Brownies was… I guess it had a good message at the end. It was just kind of funny there were a troop of girls who were probably 7 or 8 years old, or younger (I have no idea what Brownies, the troops, actually are), and they’re just like “I’m going to beat you up” (which totally reminds me of D-, because she loves saying that. Except for she says it like “Imma beetchu up”. It’s ridiculously funny and slightly endearing). But it’s not so fabulous they’re like that because little girls should not go beat people up.

Parrot story – the guy was so pathetic. It was really sad. He fell out of a tree and died trying to spy on his wife. Or the guy that he suspected his wife was with. Did he die in the end? I didn’t really get it.

I feel so negative! I don’t tend to like stories, it seems. I like Inx’s stories. Even when they are depressing. But they’re beautiful.

Okay, I got bored. My hair is wet and uncomfortable. It is sticking to my head. And especially my neck. And soaking through the back of my shirt, and making my back feel all soggy and gross. Ew, but at least my hair smells good. And is silky and shiny.

Alright, and I think I’m done with this rant.

This rant feels a whole ton less successful than the previous one.

Oh well, that’s okay.

Alone

With a smile and a hug, I bid my excited and chattering friends farewell as they all shuffled to my friend E-'s house, a cute blue abode within five minutes walking distance from the school. Really, if that little path didn't close down, she would be a single minute away (and she probably would not be rushing in barely late all the time). However, couple angry neighbors and a fence later, the path was down for the count. Goodness, I really wish that people took better care of the path so that we all could use it...

But I digress. As I turned away, I lightly trotted in my satin black flats toward the exit of the school. I could feel the talking from the lunchroom die away as I walked farther and farther away. I approached the metal door, and braced myself as I swung it open on its newly oiled hinges. A cold blast of air met my face with great force, and I cringed a bit. It was getting quite chilly, and my knee length velvet skirt with a cute lace border did not do much in the warmth department. Oh, the price I pay for fashion...

The door swung close behind me, shutting out the last of the unintelligible noise from the munching students out. A breeze blew, and carried the faint sound of the marching band's single drumbeat over to my ears. I glanced over at the tiny figures in the football field - they looked nice and warm. Unlike me. I could make out some of them leaning over to whisper to friends as they stomped up and down the astro-turf faux grass, trying not to be caught by the band director. They had each other, they had company, they had their own secrets to share and experience with each other. Unlike me.

Feeling unbearably lonely, knowing that all of my friends were most likely laughing and chattering together on the way to E-'s – or perhaps they were already there – in companionable happiness, I fished out my black Ipod from my backpack. I dutifully and slowly unwound the pink ear buds from its coiled position around the clear plastic shell that surrounded my listening device.

Boy I like you, gotta make you mine, Imma treat you right baby


Why is everything so easy for them? Why does it seem like they’re just expressing their desire and poof everything just happens perfectly?

Baby I need you, boy you need me too

So songs really don’t apply to real life. If anyone said that, it would either be received as an arrogant statement, or be some kind of sappy romance in a chick flick. But what I wouldn’t give for my life to be a fairy tale sometimes. Happily ever after? Yeah, that sounds pretty good to me. Cutesy songs accompanying me and my lovely exploits with kind animals at every corner. Yeah, it does sound really good. Perhaps a little scary at first (after all, animals that talk and approach you and help with random tasks would be a little disorientating at first), but I could really get used to it. The good girl always wins the guy of her dreams, right? Or at least realizes that the person who loves her is the guy of her dreams, or something. It’s better that what’s happening in my life right now.

Because I’m all alone. Alone. I have friends yes, but I’m alone, my other half is missing. Although, in all honesty, I’m not so sure my other half exists, and I do pride myself in being an independent woman. But sometimes, I truly do desire someone to be with me at my side…

Thoughts race through my head, weighing the pros and cons of being alone versus with someone. Sometimes, a wistful smile passes my face, only to be hidden under the stoic blanket of indifference.

The bus comes, and I get on, alone.

Alone…

Alone.