Vanity

                It takes a decent amount of vanity to blog. Really, it does. Because I have to think that people actually care about what I write to continue writing. Actually, I’m not sure anyone does, and I’m not sure anyone actually reads my posts. But that won’t really stop me from writing… I suppose this is like an over-sharing type of diary. It’s nice to monitor what I’m up to. I guess? I suppose that I just like talking, and this is another way of talking.

                I have no idea. Okay, today’s topic will be oversharing. While doing college applications, I really realized that I don’t know who I am, but I know who I should be. I think that basically destroys the purpose of these applications… I’m supposed to express who I am, instead of what I think I should be. Too bad I have no idea who I actually am. I suppose these “who I should be”s can pretty much be “who I am”… I’m sure if I tell myself that “this” is what I am enough times, I will believe it. It will be internalized, it will become my truth. Either way, it’s not like I’m lying per se… it’s just that I’m coming up with the best answer that may or may not be true for me. I have no idea who I am. Oh well.

                It’s December 12^th! That’s kind of cool. 12/12. C- just told me that she’s having her golden birthday this year. I’m kind of sadness because my golden birthday was when I was three, and really, I don’t remember that birthday. C- I hope you have a great golden birthday. Wait, I’ll just reblog that on Friday, when it’s her actual birthday… instead of Seungri’s. J YES, THAT MAKES ME HAPPY ON THE INSIDE, OKAY? LEAVE ME ALONE.

Should I write a muse about vanity? Perhaps. Or actually, I should just talk about my short story. Which I haven’t started writing yet. But yeah, S- pointed out that all of our stories have sadness and death in it. We have made death into a cliché. Go us. However, I will not be different. I WANT THE BRUTAL KILLING IN MY STORY. Deal with it. And I want to do something terrible to my story at the end. I will have fun during workshop watching everyone freak out. Since no one reads my blog, no one will see this coming. Muahahahahahahahaha. Anyhow.

I always manage to blog. Every day. And not get any of my legitimate work done. How unfortunate (I don’t actually care that much). My sleep habits are so weird. Oh, Hopeless Romantic, last night I dreamed that we battled to the death. See the Seungri’s birthday post. I won, by the way. J Although I’m not sure you died. Also, I want that kind of awesome contraption in my backyard. It was lots of fun besides the fact that I was trying not to get killed by you. And trying to kill you. Or maul you. Or something like that. Anyways, I’m done for today. I will tell you later what my dream was about in detail. If I remember.

Into Your Arms

Oh. My. Goodness. This guy might be the most awesome thing on the face of the planet. Because he is. How the crepe does he make those noises with his mouth. Also his eyes are absolutely gorgeous – it’s like you can just stare into them forever. Also watch his cover of Fireflies. I really enjoyed it.

Wow I’m so terrible at keeping this stream of consciousness going, because I’m talking to BlenderLid and failing at saving things, and other people. Yeah, I did get tired of listing people after one person. I’m listening to “The Force of Love” now… I’m going to go back to listening to Mike Tompkin’s version of Teenage Dream.

OH MY GOODNESS I FIGURED OUT HOW TO SAVE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW ACCOMPLISHED I FEEL. FALSE SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT. I think I’m simple minded. And I’m afraid of technology. To a certain degree. BlenderLid makes me feel inadequate. Like all the time. Oh dear goodness. I think I definitely fear technology. Especially since my computer LOVES BREAKING. Every other day. Thanks for destroying my life. Both of you. (Wait, my computer became an entity that I talk to?)

Anyways, I think I like these altered lyrics of Teenage Dream. It’s less… racy? And it’s slightly more adorable ♥ “Let’s fall into each other’s arms, no regrets, just love” which is better than implying terrible and horrid things. Just kidding. But it’s definitely more “refined”, I suppose. I’m pretty sure my commas are wrong. But I never understand how to use commas in those situations, so I’m going to do what makes sense to me. “You make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream, and when you turn it on, I can’t sleep” ♥ I love this song so much – and this guy just makes it so much better.

I had to turn the music off. I’m so bad at blogging when I’m listening to something at the same time. It’s like it uses up too much of my attention, and then I’m super like what’s going on I cannot type I only have – what was I talking about again? I decided that I’m blogging every day because he is too. We have this arrangement where we each post one time a day. Hopefully, we’ll be able to post once a day for the rest of the year – just kidding, I know that’ll never happen. Maybe until the end of the month. That seems way more likely.

Oh my goodness, BlenderLid, you do love me. I don’t understand you. But I do hope that you do love me. And you’re kind of fabulous. Stop thinking I’m obnoxious. I’m definitely not obnoxious all the time. Actually, you’re probably going to never speak to me again after you read this. But I don’t think my blog is important enough to you, so hopefully you won’t read this. I’d definitely prefer it if you didn’t decide to ignore me forever.

Anyways. I feel like I should link to Hopeless Romantic’s blog, just because he created one – a whole year early. You overachiever (yeah, I know, it’s my fault). Plus, you like adorable romantic things, and will definitely post them. Can I request a satire piece, please?

Enchanted is such a cute movie. While I was at internship, StarsandtheMoon (aka E-), S- (because she is extra super secretive and no one knows about her blog… except for a couple people of course), TakingOverTheWorld, and who knows who else were watching Enchanted. While I am slightly jealous, I realize that I’ve also memorized the movie, so every time Stars texted me with a reference to a scene, it’s like I was watching it in my head. J See, I’m awesome like that.

I just read this post. I have to point out the part about part where you said knowing the person doesn’t change the quality of the writing. I only agree with that to a certain extent – I love E-‘s story because it’s so much like her. I can see how much it ties into her life, and I feel like it makes it better because I have that kind of extra insight that other people may not have. So yes, it does change the quality of the story. Also, sometimes if it’s too strongly based off of someone’s life, it lessens the creativity of it – therefore the author of the writing does change my opinion. I think the idea that you’re trying to say is that if a post was originally good, and then you figured out who wrote it, some people believe it heightens the quality of the piece: which it doesn’t (I agree with you). If it’s good, it’s good; if it sucks, it sucks. Doesn’t matter who wrote it.

Anyways, I decided that I have been neglecting posting pictures of T.O.P. Therefore, I shall post this one – I like the hat. It’s fabulous.

AND A FINAL NOTE: I HOPE FOR SNOW!!! Somehow, I feel like a snowstorm isn’t going to happen. L

❄❄❄

Tan Never Looked So Good

This is just SO adorable ♥
Also, Hopeless Romantic, you know me too well :)

Tan and combat boots never looked so good. ♥

http://ibigbang.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/gdtop.jpg

Oh my goodness what is wrong with me

So, I decided to do a stream of consciousness. Because I realized that I was thinking about things, and I really wanted to put them in my previous post, but I had to stay on topic. And make sense. Mostly. Making sense pretty much sucks a lot (NOT [the] ALOT OF SENSE *confused looking monster*). See, I am already creating tangents, which are awesome but they don’t help readers understand life. UNDERSTAND MY BRAIN, PLEASE DO IT. Also, I will write in the same type of grammar that I feel like I speak. With intensity and lack of punctuation and lack of sense and lack of continuity and oh hey there’s a flashing orange button I shall go see what he has to say to me right now. And he is trying to convince me that he is not witty, but obviously he is and he is just lying to me. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. SNEAKY. But I won’t fall for it. Because I CAN SEE YOUR LIE. YOUR LIE IS NOT TRICKING ME. Also I had a conversation with the interns that sit with me about tricking myself into getting one more hour sleep because of daylight savings. And then I realized because I know I am tricking myself, I would be able to outsmart myself and I still wouldn’t get extra sleep. DARN YOU BRAIN, STOP NOT FALLING FOR YOUR OWN TRICKS. Also, my caps probably don’t ever make sense. I think I am arbitrary. AND YOU, STOP MAKING FUN OF ME I DO NOT APPRECIATE IT. I just had 2 Kit Kats. I think this is also the reason for my insanity. But also I am just insane on a daily basis. I think I should stop being insane, but my brain will not stop for some reason. I’D LIKE TO MAKE SENSE, BRAIN. PLEASE LET ME MAKE SENSE. WHY ARE YOU SO UNCOOPERATIVE. You know, one day, I will realize that my brain is a single personality. But before then, I WILL CONTINUE TO TALK TO MYSELF. YES I CAPITALIZE TO EMPHASIZE MYSELF OR WHEN I FEEL LIKE SEEING CAPITAL LETTERS. And I kind of feel like I should start a new paragraph, but also I feel like I am talking about the same thing so I shouldn’t. But giant blocks of text scare people. E-, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? GIANT BLOCKS OF TEXT SCARE PEOPLE.

                Oh hey I just randomly decided to.  Because I was talking about indenting and I am still talking about indenting BUT I DECIDED TO APPLY WHAT I AM DOING and I should seriously draw pictures. But not really. I need to stop reading this blog (OH HEY I’M REMINDING MYSELF TO LINK LATER), but actually I will forget to link because I already have abnormal amounts of caps. THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE WHO DESIRE A RESPONSE POTENTIALLY. I am stopping typing.

                Oh an I decided to randomly indent before I left and I TRIED TO TYPE ON THE LAST PARAGRAPH AND THEN COMPUTER WAS LIKE NO, I WON’T LET YOU. And then I realized the purpose of indenting because I KNEW I WOULD FORGET AND YEAH, I DID. WHY SO MUCH ORANGE. WHY CAN’T I CHANGE IT TO PINK. WHY ARE YOU ALL SO NEEDY. Just kidding, I’m so much more needy than you all. ALSO, YOU, STOP LYING TO ME. Why do you lie to me. And why am I typing “like”. DO NOT LIE TO ME (I do not like you lying to me. brain, stop destroying my point by typing like whenever I think of lie. I do not like lies. Lies are bad for me. Especially when they are pointed at me).

                ELKS. They are like moose but not exactly. And they are FURRY. Aren’t they? Also, you lie to me a lot. It makes me burn with rage and salty tears on the inside. But not the outside. I FEEL SLIGHTLY NUMB. I think that streams of consciousness are bad for my health. That was a non sequitur. I wonder if anyone is still reading because this is not exactly a fabulous post, it’s more like WHAT THE CREPE IS GOING ON WITH MY BRAIN. Oh noes, I censored myself. Because I realized that I do not want swearing to me IMMORTALIZED (wow, why am I so melodramatic) into my blog. As if my blog is going to EXIST FOREVER AND THEN IT WOULD SUCK.

                ARBITRARY INDENTING BECAUSE I LIKE INDENTS. I like fragmented sentences too. Also Hopeless Romantic (aka L-) just destroyed my sense of reality. Parents do not make you watch movies, unless they are educational. OR IF THEY WANT BONDING TIME WITH YOU.

                Oh my goodness, I am actually really terrified. I’m going numb. That usually only happens when I stop breathing or I hyperventilate or I’m really upset. But I’m not upset right now. I’m just going numb and it’s scary and MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP NOW. AUUUUUGGHHHHH I’m being sent into a panic that is making me more numb and not able to see clearly.

                I am going to end this stream of consciousness because I think my consciousness is actually ending right now. Goodbye.  


Post-SoC-Note, exactly 36 minutes later: I realized that I forgot to link. I knew it. Why do I know myself so well. Why am I a disappointing child. On a brighter note, I'm not dead yet. Anyways, here is the link. Why do I utterly fail at life. I am depressed, but too busy to be depressed at the same time. I should do something productive, maybe. BUT SHE'S SO INTERESTING. I wonder if Awkward Zombie updated...

Post note, exactly 45 minutes later: I realized that I'm going to read this point later, and not realize what the crepe I was talking about. But, I was mostly addressing the "you"s to !!!, because he was making me enraged. I JUDGE YOU, !!!, I JUDGE YOU.

AW Effect

This is a very discontinuous rant that I attempted to make continuous at points. Also I am being purposely vague because this is a public blog, and so if it doesn’t make sense to you, it’s probably not supposed to.

The Archaic Weaponry Effect (AW Effect) (it’s referencing something that K-, M-, Inx, and I made up in the car ride over that was full of both giggles and “oh God what are we going to think of next” and thinking about Taboo and lots of randomness about Halloween party and our uterus/virginity hurting… but not collectively because we are not in sync yet… along with awesome story that most people will not think is awesome but we think is awesome because we have a very weird sense of humor) actually has nothing to do with weapons. The AW Effect exists when two entities are extremely close to the point where I can’t tell where one mind starts and the other finishes, and they seem to be completely at odds regarding the – well, actually I won’t say, because I would assume it would make it too obvious. And dear readers, you most likely already know what’s going on, but for the few of you who don’t, I’d like to keep you in the dark. But they take turns, and there is a passing period where life basically sucks for any third party involved.

It’s just something that inflicts my every day life with abnormal amounts of pain, and makes me wish that I really didn’t care. Because honestly, how hard is it for two instances of something to occur simultaneously? Do you script my life? Because if you do, really, can you make it better? Seriously? And why do you have to be so mean to me. You make me cry. Feel bad. Now. But of course you do not feel bad. Of course you probably do not have any idea what you are doing to me, neither of you. Unless you guys are actually secret masterminds who are plotting out my life to make it so that I am perpetually miserable, in which case, you guys are horrible. Emphasis on the whore.

On a completely different note, I’ve been listening to “Dreaming of You” (E-, you should be happy! It’s the first song that I listen to that has had like… any Spanish at all in it J). Late at night when the all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you… and I wish on a star that somewhere you are thinking of me too… I do wish. So much so that breathing hurts. It’s such a pretty song! L-, thanks for being more of a hopeless romantic than I am, and printing out fanfic for me every morning. And having Love Actually on your Zune. Because you kind of brighten up my day all the time. Seriously, you are one of the most fabulous people I know. And having a glitter wand made of a bubble tea straw. Oh you, I should tell you to do homework instead of making my life so much more wonderful. All I have are dreams of you… and a few cherished memories, even if you don’t like them. (Oh, before you readers get confused, I’m referencing two different people. At least. I might end up referencing like six.) I’m dreaming of you tonight Really, I don’t have dreams. I have nightmares. About the silliest things. But I do have nightmares always, and they’re always so realistic. And if you’re reading it, you’ve graced a dream of mine. Yes dream, not nightmare. FEEL SPECIAL.

I love my friends more than anything in the world. I am super grateful for them. They’re just the light of my world when my life seems to be collapsing (but really, it’s just dull. I want a shiny world, please). Okay, I am done with my pretty fail rant. Goodnight, all you readers.

(Oh, and to !!!: I really, really, really, really, really, really love your blog. So update it please.)