White Desire

                The snow won’t go away. Or more like, the ice won’t go away. I do not want it to be icy. I want it to be snowy. Lots of fluffy fresh snow that locks us into a white prison for about a month. I don’t mind if I have to stay at home for a month. In fact, I would much rather stay at home for a month. Just stay stuck on top of a hill for an entire moth. Perhaps I would try trekking down in snow boots… no, I want the entire greater Seattle area to be locked in a white nightmare. I want to go skiing! I want to play outside in the fresh, gorgeous scene… I want there to be no footprints. I want to be the one that disturbs the peace if I so choose. I want to walk into the middle of a forest, and sit down and watch the ice glisten. The achingly silent forest covered by a sheet of pale death. Gorgeous, magnificent beauty. Preserved beauty. Frozen solid. I want to go sledding. Skiing on snow over concrete might not be a good idea. I want there to be more than two feet of snow. I want to be captured.

                I want to not be able to tell where one thing starts and another thing ends. I want lakes and ponds to freeze over with a thick layer of ice so I can ice skate. I want life to halt so I can enjoy myself. People, froze in place, in time, in the air… I want to fly. I want to float and soar into the sky so I can view the figures, stuck in place… I want power. I want to control things.

                I want to be able to make the sky snow. I want it to fall in torrents, in sheets, in intense, whipping, wind-driven storms… I want to dance in the snow. I want to wear a blood-red gown. I want to hold long ribbons, and whip them into the air. I want to be the devil in the distance, enchantingly graceful, a moving red figure floating in the blizzard. I want people to see and fear for their lives, yet be entranced by mysterious beauty. I want them to flock like moths to flame, and I want them to freeze. See the demon within and freeze in place. One day, others will find them… they will be locked in place, with an expression that is of both horror and admiration mixed together.

                I want white wings. I want to have soft, downy appendages that I can stretch wide and take off. Majestic. Free.

                I want. I desire. I ache and crave. But I cannot have. Dye the world the color pink. Make music blast from the trees. Turn the world upside down. Defy gravity. Defy laws. Defy physics. Defying anything and everything, being exactly who I want to be. Become admired. Become loved. Become worshipped. Be everything that anyone wants to be. But be myself. Be envied. Pure. White. Control life and death. Breathe. Expand. Grow. Live.