Alone

With a smile and a hug, I bid my excited and chattering friends farewell as they all shuffled to my friend E-'s house, a cute blue abode within five minutes walking distance from the school. Really, if that little path didn't close down, she would be a single minute away (and she probably would not be rushing in barely late all the time). However, couple angry neighbors and a fence later, the path was down for the count. Goodness, I really wish that people took better care of the path so that we all could use it...

But I digress. As I turned away, I lightly trotted in my satin black flats toward the exit of the school. I could feel the talking from the lunchroom die away as I walked farther and farther away. I approached the metal door, and braced myself as I swung it open on its newly oiled hinges. A cold blast of air met my face with great force, and I cringed a bit. It was getting quite chilly, and my knee length velvet skirt with a cute lace border did not do much in the warmth department. Oh, the price I pay for fashion...

The door swung close behind me, shutting out the last of the unintelligible noise from the munching students out. A breeze blew, and carried the faint sound of the marching band's single drumbeat over to my ears. I glanced over at the tiny figures in the football field - they looked nice and warm. Unlike me. I could make out some of them leaning over to whisper to friends as they stomped up and down the astro-turf faux grass, trying not to be caught by the band director. They had each other, they had company, they had their own secrets to share and experience with each other. Unlike me.

Feeling unbearably lonely, knowing that all of my friends were most likely laughing and chattering together on the way to E-'s – or perhaps they were already there – in companionable happiness, I fished out my black Ipod from my backpack. I dutifully and slowly unwound the pink ear buds from its coiled position around the clear plastic shell that surrounded my listening device.

Boy I like you, gotta make you mine, Imma treat you right baby


Why is everything so easy for them? Why does it seem like they’re just expressing their desire and poof everything just happens perfectly?

Baby I need you, boy you need me too

So songs really don’t apply to real life. If anyone said that, it would either be received as an arrogant statement, or be some kind of sappy romance in a chick flick. But what I wouldn’t give for my life to be a fairy tale sometimes. Happily ever after? Yeah, that sounds pretty good to me. Cutesy songs accompanying me and my lovely exploits with kind animals at every corner. Yeah, it does sound really good. Perhaps a little scary at first (after all, animals that talk and approach you and help with random tasks would be a little disorientating at first), but I could really get used to it. The good girl always wins the guy of her dreams, right? Or at least realizes that the person who loves her is the guy of her dreams, or something. It’s better that what’s happening in my life right now.

Because I’m all alone. Alone. I have friends yes, but I’m alone, my other half is missing. Although, in all honesty, I’m not so sure my other half exists, and I do pride myself in being an independent woman. But sometimes, I truly do desire someone to be with me at my side…

Thoughts race through my head, weighing the pros and cons of being alone versus with someone. Sometimes, a wistful smile passes my face, only to be hidden under the stoic blanket of indifference.

The bus comes, and I get on, alone.

Alone…

Alone.