Finding the truth in my writing. Really, it’s not that hard, I tend to be more open with these blog posts than I probably should. However, I find that it is easier to be open when I feel like the only person that sees this is myself. Music playing, the beat a small pulsation an accompaniment to my clacking, my rationalizing thoughts are covered up.
Pause. I stop the music and I go back to the original assignment. What was it again? Squeak, squeak, squeak. The wheel of a mouse, a bit worn out from overuse, creaks as it pulls the page down. So truth.
Earlier in the post, Professor C- mentioned that she drowned out the rationalizing thoughts, the censoring with music. Therefore, I will also play music. If this blog post turns out to be a rant on randomness, then so be it.
And go.
So what I forgot to tell you before I turned my music back on is that I ran to the mirror, grabbed my two hot pink hair ties, and pulled my hair into two pigtails that I decided I liked sporting recently. It was surprising – over the course of a day, my hair changed quite a bit, but I have found a style that I rather like. It pulls my hair tight, no nonsense, into two parts that are scattered and displayed cascading down my shoulders. It’s fun, but convenient. I dislike loosely tying hair. It just bothers me.
And so, let’s see what I’m listening to. Something that’s not in English. I like it; it sounds island-y, like a tropical celebration. Too bad I don’t understand a single word of it. Except for the random English phrases. However, it isn’t enough to understand the gist of it all. Oh well. Thus is life, randomness.
Truth exists everywhere. I feel like lying isn’t especially gratifying to me. Even where I should put in a lie (Oh, that haircut looks wonderful on you! Sound familiar?) I don’t. It has branded me a caustic person. A blunt person. And so I might be. I guess even when I’m being creative, I don’t really add in too much fiction. It makes the story a little unbelievable. I don’t write about death because I have not had a death of a loved on in my life. I don’t know how it feels, and therefore I wouldn’t be able to write a good story. I have experienced loneliness, and so writing truthful feelings in that (like the post Alone, in fact that was complete truth… usually I at least add in a few embellished touches to my creative pieces) would help add to the believability of the story. It just resonates.
Truth does belong in a creative piece. Just not in the most conventional sense. I don’t have to have this certain event at this certain time at this certain place happen to write truthfully. Perhaps I fudged a few details. Or most of the details. But the inherent underlying ideas are drawn from truth. “Surviving the storm” (which I actually modified into a fanfiction because I liked it so much) resonates with me. I feel like it turned out really nice because it’s not overdone. Okay, perhaps a lot of it is fluff that I added in to make it more angsty, which I generally am not. But still, I know the loneliness, the absolute misery of being imprisoned in classes that I really don’t care about. I have walked in a forest that was icy and beautifully glittering (after all, I’ve lived in the Northwest for my entire life). I have yet to find a boy to come and save me (I’m not sure I want one. That just seems really sketchy at the core. But it’s something that I have wanted to happen (kind of) and so truth is bent and redesigned. But still it’s based on truth.
Truth in fiction. Not as strange a concept as I would’ve thought.
I realized why this song sounded really familiar. I tend to really focus on what I’m doing, and other things tend to be toned out. So that even if I blare music, I tend to not hear it. But that song is my ringtone! My ringtone is a song that’s not in English. Nor in Chinese, which are the two languages that I understand. But I like the song. So what if I don’t understand it? Get over yourself. Not that you’re judging me or anything.
And now the song is talking about crushes. Either way, I think that the term is the most terrible thing ever. “Crush”? I agree, it’s quite fitting, but like, must it be so depressing? “Oh, and by the way, you’re going to be crushed by your own feelings at the end. Just to let you know.” How depressing is that.
Anyways, I can’t really tell what the song is talking about. Oh well. I decided that I like the feeling of my hair at my neck. It’s just really interesting. And I really like the feeling of typing, and seeing random things show up on my computer. This post was more like a rant, yes, I said it would be a rant. And it’s not exactly creative? What is creative anyhow? I feel like a creative thing should be a story. But even if that’s not true, would this be considered as creative? This is just like me talking, exploding with sentences that are completely random. I write like this on my friend E-‘s wall, but that’s just because… well it’s because this is just the way I think. I suppose I could get into a mood and spew random sentimental stuff from my fingertips (ew, spew? That sounds like I’m going to throw up from my fingers. That’s really nasty.) But yea, it’s a mood I guess.
So is this creative? I have no idea. Anyways, even though I feel like I should be talking to myself, I feel like I’m talking to someone out there, someone I don’t know, someone that might randomly want to read this (I have no idea why a random person would want to read this. This is just complete nonsense). Well, I hope you, random person that I would have never met and decided to actually go through the entire post, had a lot of fun.
Because I think I did.
LAST NOTE: I was curious as to how long the post was, and before I typed this note, it was 1040 words. That’s absolutely ridiculous for a random rant that I just thought of over the course of probably 10 or 15 minutes. Yay for randomness~!
